Fate sometimes steals from you what you think is yours for taking.
I left the class half an hour ago to catch a glimpse of him. To try to talk to him and tell him the things that I have been holding for the past three years. Three years of pretending that his existence never affects me but the truth is, his existence gives life to me. He is my happy pill, the daily dose brings me extreme happiness, intoxicating emotions.
I walked briskly but with grace. Still acting like a lady while rushing. I walked past the other class rooms whose students are now doing their daily duties when suddenly I felt a tap at my shoulder.
“Iuno, why the haste? Are you the catch or are you the chase?”
I looked back and saw Aster with her big eyes looking at me, intrigued.
“Definitely, I’m in a hurry. Excuse me for being rude, I’m not in a time for some poetic arguments and exchange.” I smiled and turned my back to take another step. But before I can move forward, Aster grabbed my forearm.
“Be careful, fate steals chances. I’m afraid yours has been stolen...” Aster let go of my hand and walked away. I was left speechless, puzzled and distracted for a moment by my friend’s comment. And then remembering my purpose of hurrying, I began to walk faster than my normal pace. Not caring anymore if I look like a child chasing a butterfly. The surrounding slowly becomes a blur and before I knew it, I’m running already.
“I should take this last chance...” I murmured while dashing towards the gymnasium. I heard the sound of the students cheering someone on. The sound of the ball bouncing and the feet of the players running on the court filled my ears. I went inside and saw the gym filled with people, with two teams competing for their interschool sports fest.
“Where is he?” I looked around the area, looking for him. Him, whose presence I can sense easily. “He is just here, around here...” And I started scanning the students at the benches, looking for him.
“Not here...” I started walking towards the door, prepared to leave the gym and look outside. Slowly I made my way out. A few meters from the gym, I stopped and looked at my watch.
“Almost 6pm. Almost time for me to leave.” I looked around worriedly. I need to find him fast.
The wind blows a cold breeze that sent a chill. I felt a familiar feeling, like butterflies in your stomach fluttering. I looked around and saw the trees swaying the skies looked purplish and kind of gloomy. Another wind blew and once again, I felt my stomach churning.
“He must be here, somewhere...”
I scanned the trees around, for I know that he has the habit of sleeping under the trees during breaks or when escaping baseball practice. A red thing meters away from my spot caught my eye. It was a cap lying on the ground with the school acronym embroidered on it.
“It’s his cap.” I whispered. I clutched my chest to steady myself and took a deep breath.
“A last chance can change everything, and so be it!” I cheered myself on and started walking slowly towards the cap. I put my hand on the pocket of my skirt and pulled out a finely-made bracelet in purple and blue overlaps and smiled. As I approach the area slowly, I heard whispers. It seems like he is not alone, like he is talking with someone. I went on and when I am about ten steps toward him, I saw his back. Another step and I saw him-right there. I thought he was just talking to somebody. I thought it was somebody from the baseball team. But it isn’t. It was not somebody from the team. It was somebody from another class. A girl. A beautiful and lovely girl. And he was embracing her. He was murmuring to her words and she saw her smiling with eyes on the verge of crying, like she was really happy.
I watched them silently and I felt as if the world stopped and slowly melt away. My knees shook a bit and I steadied myself. I looked at them quietly. They looked like lovers who were in a quarrel a while ago and just made up. My hands fell to my sides and I dropped the bracelet unknowingly.
“They seemed happy...”I whispered to myself.
And suddenly the world became a blur. I wondered why, and I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision.
“No...” I whispered silently after seeing my hands wet. Tears were falling from my eyes.
“I can’t...I don’t...I shouldn’t cry.” I took a sharp breath and slowly turned my back from them. I walked silently away from them, with wet eyes and a heavy heart. I remembered Aster’s words from before.
“I guess you are right Aster...I guess mine was stolen by fate already...” I went back to our classroom, walking slowly as if the slowing will lessen the pain I feel.
“Now tell me oh Lord, tell me, what will happen to this heart of mine, broken in pieces and shattered to the core, full of loneliness and empty of soul?” I asked the Lord, pouring myself to him and narrating what transpired in the last hour of my life. I’ve been here inside this confession booth in which no priest or someone on the other side, just talking to God. It has always been a habit of mine, to go to the confession whenever something great or something worse happens to me.
“I guess I really lost my chance Lord, after nights of praying for courage from you, fate stole my last chance and stole him away from me too.” I sighed. I know every bit of whining won’t matter anymore. I lost my chance because I’ve been postponing this confession for so long. Three years of waiting for him to notice me. Three years of pretending that I don’t care about him but the truth is every bit about him excites and intrigues me. Three years of being a dumb girl, a coward trying to deny what I feel and then regretting it afterwards. I looked at my watched, it’s 7pm. An hour after the shattering event. I can still recall how I felt then; I can still see the picture of him and the girl in my mind. I can still feel the pain I try to ignore. I looked up blinking trying to stop the tears that form.
“I guess it’s time to go home Lord. Thanks for listening to me.”
I picked up my bag and fixed myself. I pushed the door open and went out. It’s quite lonely here at the church when its evening already and there is no church service. I started to walk towards the way going out when suddenly I heard a creaking sound, like a door opening. I turned and looked at the person going out of the confession booth for the priest where I poured my heart to the Lord. I looked down and saw his feet stepping out of the door.
“It can’t be, somebody was in there. But he didn’t answer me when I was telling him everything.”
Then my eyes went up and saw a familiar face.
I froze.
“You dropped this...” He said extending his hand holding a bracelet with blue and purple overlaps.
Fate sometimes gives you what you think is not rightfully yours.
