I'll be Strong for You

Chapter 8

He doesn't go to school the next day. In fact, he doesn't leave his bed for a total of two days, except to go to the bathroom. His mum forces him to eat, but she doesn't get that the thought of food twists his stomach and makes him want to retch.

On the third day he realizes how much of a pathetic asshole he's being, and he gets out of bed and showers. He's overreacting, he thinks. He's blowing things out of proportion. Things will be fine, obviously. And he needs to go to Liam and apologize.

After his shower he dresses quick, doesn't even bother with his hair, and then grabs his sketch off the desk before he heads out the door. He doesn't borrow the car, but instead opts to just walk. It's not a short walk, either, but the cold air and the time alone gives him a chance to think and just breathe.

He smokes three cigarettes on the way to Laim's, one after another, and he's aware that it's a bit excessive, but he can't help it. The fact that he smokes a pack every two days and is completely healthy isn't fair, when Liam's never smoked once in his life and look what's happened to him. If either of them deserved something like this, it would be Zayn, not him. Never Liam.

It's as he walks up to Liam's door that he realizes his parents are home. Their car is in the driveway, and he's going to have to meet them. The thought makes him almost turn around and head back home, but he has to suck this up because Liam would do it for him, so he will do it for Liam. But Liam is a far stronger person than Zayn, obviously, and he can't deny the fact that he's freaking out a bit as he knocks on the door.

The woman that answers has Liam's eyes. It's the first thing he notices. They don't radiate warmth the way that Liam's do, though. The second thing he notices is the surprised look in them, and then realization.

"Zayn," she says. "Right?"

"Um, yeah," Zayn says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Is Liam home?"

"Yes, he is," she answers, not inviting him in.

"Can I see him?"

Her eyes narrow just a bit and she say, "I'm sorry. He just got back from-- volunteering. He's a bit tired. Maybe you could come back--,"

"I know he doesn't volunteer," Zayn tells her. He feels impolite cutting her off, but he can't help it.

"Oh," she says softly. "Right, well, in that case you might as well come in, then."

Zayn nods and she opens the door widely. He steps inside and takes off his shoes, and then she gestures to the stairs. "His room is the second on he left. I warn you that he's in a bit of a mood today. Chemo does that to him."

"Thank you," Zayn tells her.

She smiles faintly at him. "You brightened up his world, you know," she says softly, like it's a secret.

Zayn shakes his head because she's wrong. Liam brightened his in a way that he didn't even think was possible.

He doesn't knock on Liam's door. It feels fitting, given the fact that Liam had done the same to him the first time they met.

"I'm not hungry," Liam groans from his bed. He's on his side, blankets pulled up over his shoulders. There's a television on the desk a few feet from his bed, and he's watching one of the Lord of the Rings movies.

The room is very Liam, he thinks. It's neat and orderly, and the walls are painted a calming cream colour that isn't too distracting. It's a bit dorky, too, with the various posters on the walls for video games and Star Wars and a Lord of the Rings poster that Zayn used to own, actually.

"Good thing I didn't bring food, then," Zayn says.

Liam sits up so fast it makes even Zayn's head spin. He looks like shit, Zayn thinks. If he looked tired and thin the other day, it's nothing to how he looks today. There's a thin coating of sweat covering his skin, too, making it glisten in the faint light coming through the open curtains.