The Alphas rebellious Mate.

chapter 21 "late night Dream meeting"

Ashley's POV

That night was a hard one, and I mean really hard. 

I was so exhausted but so stressed at the same time, I couldn't sleep but staying awake was awful too.

I was stuck in a constant state of torture if you asked me. 

I still hated the damn bed, maybe it was just petty nature but it just felt wrong, deep under my skin and in my soul it just felt dirty and shameful to sleep in that bed.

Meg could complain all she wanted about me sleeping on the seats in front of the window but I was too stubborn to change my decision.

I guess it also reminded me a little of home.

Fuck I missed home so much, I missed Andrews stupid jokes, I missed Rose's loud personality, I missed Robins rants about his technology or plans, I missed the silly bickering, I missed the cramped safe house.

I missed everything. 

This place wasn't my home, it didn't feel like it in any way, and it never could, I didn't want it too.

I felt like a stranger and a nobody here, I felt like some random fool who could be forgotten if it wasn't for Damien.

I hated that so much.

I worked hard for my title, my reputation! 

And it was overshadowed by some moron who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

I stared out my window in silence, I didn't move, I just stared, I didn't have the motivation to get up or do anything Just yet. 

It's not like I could do much anyway right now, It was the middle of the night and I just emotionally didn't have the energy to get up. I was so tired from constantly being on edge, I couldn't let my guard down.

Literally the one time I even slightly relaxed I got my shoulder clawed into by some random bitch.

I felt my eyes tearing up with painfully warm tears, I missed my brother and friends, I missed the security of my rebellion bases.

This was going to be so much more draining than I anticipated, but I couldn't really get around the stress.

I felt so horribly weak, everything was out of my control and I couldn't even do anything about it. I hated this feeling, I've never felt this weak and sad this often, it was draining.

I didn't care for these luxury beds, or luxury rooms and the chef made food, I didn't care about living in a huge home.

I wanted my stupid small twin sized bed back, my worn hand made blankets, the food we cooked for each other. I just wanted to have my life back, going back to being unknown, only having close friends and family know me.

I didn't even want a stupid relationship but this mate bond thing kept making me feel things I didn't want.

Why did I have to get paired with a damn wolf, I'd rather just be single forever with cats.

At least cats don't treat humans like chew toys.

I sighed a little as I sat up, I had changed into some comfy blue PJ's that were provided, using the same crochet blanket on the seat as I had done for multiple nights now.

I glanced around the room, I had a lamp on so I could see, having the lights off made me feel uncomfortable.

My gaze landed on the corner of the room where I had chucked Damien's hoodie, it kept showing up in my thoughts, I kept thinking about it, the way it smelled and felt. I don't know why I felt so drawn to it, it was a piece of fabric for goodness sake, I shouldn't feel like this.