What Makes a Snowbaroo

Chapter Two - The Snowmara

I threw a lot of shade on the models we carry here at Dark Dimension Snowbaroo in my first entry. Frederick read it and praised my candor, but suggested I present some positives. I really like Frederick D., so I'll take his advice. Let's start with the Snowmara, which apparently took its name from the concept of a snowmare, which was basically a freaky dream, but involving snow.

The only one who liked the Snowmara originally was Wil. I don't know why, but once Wil latched onto the Snowmara, Orv disagreed, and then they spent so long arguing diplomatically about it that Wil ended up convincing Orv that the Snowmara was awesome while Wil himself simultaneously rejected the Snowmara. So now, Orv drives the Snowmara sometimes, when the temperature got about sixty degrees. Otherwise, you'd find him stranded on the side of some desolate lane with a dead battery due to the cold. George had to pay for that lithium-ion paperweight to be towed back to the dealership I don't know how many times. If Orv was a salesman, he would've had a serious cut from his commission taken away.

Luckily, George knew Isaac was too celestial in his mindscape to be of much hands-on use – unless Isaac got it into his head that it was he who had to build something – and Wil would never work without Orv on the team. When the other eight months of the Dark Dimension winter rumbled on, Orv traded in his keys to the Snowmara for his personal vehicle. It seemed no one was worried about putting mileage on the Snowmara, because George told Orv he'd either give it to him or eat the money he was out for it if the hunk didn't sell within the next year or so.

I almost felt bad for the Snowmara, because if the folks at Snowbaroo had stuck to their guns and given us their own EV, as opposed to suckling off the bosom of Cheapmota and their bZ4X. Although, Cheapmota did give us the voluptuous BRA with their own GR86 thing, so I shouldn't complain. But yeah, Cheapmota had terrible temperature management of its EV platform, as well as battery range overall, according to Isaac. So we all sort of treated the thing with contempt, even if it did look sort of cool.

When you saw the thing day in and day out, the design did grow on you. I wished it had better performance, because I might have actually considered it decent, even if it weighed like a quadrillion Cadillacs, drove like a crappy clunker, and had the range and speed of an elderly mule. It looked, as I might have said before, like someone took a helmet from a sci-fi space videogame and grafted it to one of Cheapmota's RAV4s. Like, a ten-year-old with a butter knife and a block of cheese could've come up with a cooler car of the future than this.

But I promised positives, so here we go.

First off, we were one of a few select dealers to even get one. George, in his Snowbaroo frenzy, sent a letter to Snowbaroo headquarters right when they began teasing the new design. According to Ben, two weeks later, a car transport dropped off the very Snowmara we now greeted each morning on our way to work. It was like a big piece of furniture. At Christmas, everyone even decorated it like a big snowbank, stringing lights all over it and hanging ornaments from the mirrors.

This day, that I'm writing this down, Orv is outside with it, giving it a good polish and once-over. He and Wil are scheming about creating a better temperature management system, but their specialty is mechanical and aerospace engineering, so all the electrics have got to be handled by Isaac. And trust me, even though those three are geniuses, getting Isaac to work on your project was like trying to get a piece of iron out of a setting vat of tar. I have to admit, it's getting all the more important to get the thing off our lot, especially because the stakes have been upped.

Miranda is the head salesperson in numbers, and Ben is just that enigmatic figurehead who sells a car or two per month and plays golf and strategizes the rest of the time. Frederick D. is our writer, but he also gets out on the floor and works probably around four to five sales per month, and Alex inevitably tries to go after Miranda's number of sales, despite only being there half of the times that Miranda was.