two to the head / Paulie Lombardo

Chapter 1 - Paulie's loneliness

from Paulie's point of view

I got off the tram at my stop and walked with slow, tired steps to my house. My mind was almost blank, I could hardly even think.

What had I done with my life? I'll never have what my friends have. How I'd like to leave this life behind.

I looked at the brothel I was walking past. The only women who would waste their time with me. And that's just because I wave bills in my hand when I say hello.

In the glow of the streetlights, tears glistened in my eyes. I didn't want to go home, to return to the loneliness and noise of the unbearable silence. But I was hungry and I was tired. So I promised myself at least that I would come to the brothel tomorrow.

I sped up my pace and watched the people around me. Why can't I live their life? Go to work, like a normal person, have whims, pleasures, like ordinary people.

What brings me joy, anyway? It's whores, good booze and a paycheck from Salieri. And friends. But lately, I feel like they're more like work colleagues than friends.

Tom's focused on his family, his daughter, who he needs to raise to be a better human than he is.

Sam is chasing Don's approval and money. A lot of money. One day he'd like to be the Don, he'd like to run the whole town.

I'd like a quiet life. I'd like a woman I can have fun with at home, cook me a good meal, maybe even make babies. But for those kids, I'd like to be a role model. Not a dad who drinks, shoots inconvenient people and doesn't love his mom. I want a daughter like Tom, too. I'd like to protect my family, but that's gonna be hard with my lifestyle. Is it ever gonna be? Are women with a modicum of intellect interested in someone like me?

Sarah's naive. Most of the time, she doesn't even know what kind of crap her guy's doing out there. Tom doesn't talk to her about that stuff anyway because he practically can't. If she knew any more than she knows now, she wouldn't be with him anymore.

Lost in thought, I walked into my apartment. I locked the door behind me and changed into my pajamas. I can't stand the feeling of those expensive suits pressing all over my body.

I also hate the sound of gunshots, I hate the moaning of dying people, most of them completely innocent. What do their families say?

I hate almost everything about this life already. Except money and the things that money buys me. But it's not happiness, and it's not love.

I took a piece of pastry from the cupboard and got into bed. On another day I probably would have put in the work to cook myself, maybe a pizza or some pasta, but today I can't do anything but whimper from under the covers with a dried-out pastry in my hand.

This loneliness has been crushing me, at first I wasn't alone at all, either I was with my friends or at least I slept over at some whores. But after so many years, even that went away.

Tom and Sam didn't agree with my plan, they didn't want to rob a bank with me and run away from Lost Heaven. And I didn't have the guts to do it myself.

And so I was gonna be on my own for the rest of my life.

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I'm not in the habit of writing author's notes, but I want to ask readers, do you want this story to be written from the point of view of Paulie, the third person, or the girl who isn't in the story yet? I also want to point out that the story does not follow the plot. I'd be glad for feedback:)