The Art of Breaking Her

Kings and Cowards -- Chapter 4

Kings and Cowards

Hamza Musa-Ali

Hidayah loves this movie, A Cinderella Story, and she's forced me and Hussain to watch it like twenty times. It's a chick flick, but Hilary Duff is kind of hot, so I never complained too much. But the guy that Hidayah loves, the Austin guy in the movie, says something like "You can be surrounded by a sea of people but still feel all alone." Whatever, something like that.

Anyway, as much as I'll never admit that I actually remember the line, that's exactly how I feel around my "friends." They're so fucking...stupid. It's like they're high off of an ego. I mean, I have an ego too, I'll admit that proudly, but at least I understand the concept of life. It's fucked up, plain and simple. There's hardly any good in it.

When I walk into fifth period English class, I'm already dreading it, ironically because all my friends are in it. "Seat eleven." Mrs. Winthrop, the teacher, says. That's cool. I look around for my seat. I spot seat nineteen, and eleven is directly in front of it. I drop my stuff down and take a seat, jiggling my foot impatiently and nervously against the floor. Why am I so nervous? Because Eiliyah might be in this class...it's one of your common subjects with her. I'm not a religious person, but I pray mad hard that she's not in this class. Another part of me kind of wants her to be because I'm intrigued. I want to see why and how she changed since we were fifteen, mere sophomores still fighting like we were when we were twelve.

"Seat nineteen." My gaze snaps up and my stomach drops. Shit. Shit, shit, SHIT. It's her. Eiliyah. She had to be in this goddamn class. She nods at Mrs. Winthrop and floats to her seat. Why the hell is she so happy? Is she seeing some guy? Drew? Nathaniel? She's always with them at lunch, and lunch just ended so...is it them?

The bell rings and Mrs. Winthrop starts talking. "Okay! Good afternoon everyone and welcome to IB English IV!" Damn, woman, who the hell gets excited over English IV? She continues her little speech and I tune her out. Keeping my eyes on her, I slide my phone out of my pocket and check my messages. There's one from Hussain asking if I can come back to school and pick him up after conditioning. I don't want to but...God, fine. I text back saying that I will.

"Pass those essays up, guys!"Winthrop's voice makes my heart leap and skip a damn beat. Shit, I thought she'd caught me. I pass my essay to the right, to Harmony, who I happen to be sitting by. I don't miss how her fingers linger on mine. How long would it take to get her to break up with her asshole boyfriend and date me? Reasonably...it'd take me a few months to get into her pants if I was serious about it...hmm, I'll run it over with Christian for advice. He'd probably disapprove, tell me to get a serious girlfriend, shape up, but I'm not Christian and Christian isn't me. Therefore, we operate differently, no matter what he tries to tell me.

Someone's voice breaks my thoughts, and I immediately wish it hadn't. "Um, isn't Harun Suleiman supposed to be in this class?" It's Eiliyah's voice. It sounds...different. All I remember is her annoying ass voice from when we were younger but her voice sounds...more grown up? God, why the hell does she have to change? Out of all the things going on in my life right now, with me getting involved in...can't just one thing stay the same? Is that too much to fucking ask?

Mrs. Winthrop answers. "I don't know. Is he supposed to be?"

Eiliyah pauses before answering. She does that when she's nervous. I'm itching to turn around and look at her face but I restrain myself. "Yeah."

"Let me check roll call." She goes over to her desk and I can hear the murmurs coming from our classmates. Shit, can't they just shut the hell up? What's the need to always talk about other people? It's not hard to see. Harun is deaf. He doesn't let anyone translate for him but Eiliyah. She understands him better than anyone. Therefore, they have a bunch of classes together. How fucking hard is that to understand and why do people have to start other shit about it? Can't they just let it go? Harun doesn't deserve the crap he gets. People treat him like he's a weirdo, when really, all he wants to do is do his own thing. The thing is, he turned down Harmony freshman year when everyone knew she liked him. That's...that's fucking insane. No one turns Harmony down. Since then, he's been a blip on the popularity radar.