Pregnant Without a Cause

Chapter Seven, Episode 22

Callie delves deep: "So the lie that once seemed simple and perfect had already begun shutting down parts of her future, as well as her past. She remembered that poem by Robert Frosting, about the mouse whose plans went awry."

942 words

Gumms brought Booms home at four. He was fussy, what Gumms called colicky. He wanted his bottle until he had it, then he would cough and choke until it was taken away. Together they got enough into him that he settled down. Then Gumms left. This was Callie's new routine with her mother gone so much with the show. Callie enjoyed helping out as much as she could. What else would she be doing, anyway, watching telly? Not with Booms awake. He was much more interesting.

She laid him on her bed and played the sax, low, working on the fingerings. Booms had taken to the sound right away. Even though he didn't really smile yet, he bicycled his little legs with happiness. Callie put the sax away and took about thirty pictures, some of which would go to the Boomerumor site.

When she finished the pictures she lay with him on the bed, Boomer looking at the things on her wall. He seemed particularly interested in the High School Musical poster on the wall beside the bed.

"What is it, sweetie?" Callie studied the poster. Maybe he was attracted by its red and yellow colors. "Is it the colors? Can you see colors now?"

Booms did the little bicycle motion. Callie took that as a no. High School Musical was an unfortunate relic of Callie's youth that she had not got around to discarding yet. That teeny crapola just wouldn't do for a new mother. Maybe he saw something odd in the way the people across the bottom of the poster, all jumping in the air, appearedto have no feet.

"Is it the feet? They don't have feet?"

Boomer blew a bubble. Callie took that for a yes. "You instinctively know what people are supposed to look like. Like, they're supposed to have feet?"

His cheek quivered, and his mouth twitched into something that was almost a smile. Callie sighed. Being back in school was a bumpy road of thrills and embarrassments, almost like her BBC summer soaps. Now, alone with Booms, she felt incredibly close to this new person, this bundle of unlimited hopes and potentials.

She also felt a loneliness more profound than anything she had ever experienced. Those English teenage unwed mothers on BBC might have bleak lives ahead of them, a bad job, a bad apartment, life on the dole, even bad teeth. But in one sense, those girls had a great advantage over Callie. They had mates. Chums, confidants, friends. And friends in TV stories would always find a way to pull you through—the best girlfriend with the pixie hair and the goofy grin, the prim and proper one who would come up with the most unbelievably audacious plan, and the boy with the deep, expressive eyes who was destined to be your true love in the end.

Callie had received a lot of interest from some people, like Ronette and her friends. She had felt like a high school celebutante. But she knew how superficial that interest was, and she also felt a chill from some people that surprisedher. David had been quite cool, the few times she had seen him, and she assumed that he finally found out that she'd had a baby. And disapproved.

And Zam was copping a serious attitude. The rumor that he was the father, whoever had started it, had become his special project. He blogged and blathered and yammered daily about how ridiculous this rumor was, and every denial only served to extend and spread the rumor. And behind it all was the blackmail of the truth. The more he told Callie that her secret was safe with him, the more she felt that the secret was in danger from him. Faced with these implications and threats, she had begun avoiding him as much as possible.

So the lie that once seemed simple and perfect had already begun shutting down parts of her future, as well as her past. She remembered that poem by Robert Frosting, about the mouse whose plans went awry. And just wait till people found out it was a lie! Then those who had believed it would turn on her utterly.

And they would find out. No question of that. She never had the baby, never got pregnant, never even had sex, because who would have sex with her. Look at her!

Bad as all that would be, the hardest thing was knowing that David would be lost to her forever. That, Callie could not bear. If only she could make it so she wasn't a liar. If only it could be true. But there is no magic in life, no going back, no fairy dust. But if only there was...

Booms had fallen asleep. Callie wiggled her fingers under his small, solid body and his downy head and took himto the crib. She propped him up against the side bumper, the way her mom had shown her.

Callie knew there was a place on campus where students who were also mothers went. But she did not know where to find it. She saw the mothers walking across campus with strollers early in the morning. There must be a daycare place somewhere.

She hadn't met any of the actual mothers yet. If Callie was really going to embrace motherhood, she should find this program, and join in. Those girls would understand how dreams could backfire. It would be a way to make new friends who had a common interest, who had dealt with the dirty looks and rumors that teenage mothers had to endure. And a place for Boomer to make friends!