it's okay if it's you | ishman ✓

CH: 18

ishan can't sleep. he turns to look at shubman beside him, dozing off. it's a relief to see him finally calm down.

the universe seems to have something against him lately. just when he was getting over his own turmoil about the whole match thing, he's thrown into another. what a way to start the year.

there's a heavy feeling settling on his heart and he doesn't know how to brush it off. he wonders if he could have done anything differently that wouldn't have led to breaking shubman's heart.

cussing to himself, he gets up. he reaches his hands to caress shubman's hair but halts, pulling back. taking one last glance, he leaves the room.

he storms into surya's instead. "where's your balcony? im going to jump off."

"do a flip."

ishan falls into the bed, groaning. "im so fucked, bhai."

"no TMI, please."

"im serious."

"hi serious, im-" surya looks up from his phone, noticing the distress on ishan's face. "is this about shubman?"

he nods. "he...we had a talk. he told me something that i wasn't expecting-"

"that he likes you."

ishan blinks. "how did you-"

surya rolls his eyes. "nevermind, i work as an unpaid therapist in my free time."

"so you knew that shubi was going to confess. why didn't you stop him?" ishan asks, his shoulders slumping.

"he can take his own decisions, ishan," surya says. "well, what happened then?"

ishan stares at the ceiling blankly. "what does it look like happened?"

"right," surya says quietly. "how is shubman doing?"

"he cried, bhaiya, he actually had tears running down." ishan feels pained remembering the sight. "he's pretty emotional, you know. he tries to put up a front, act manly or some shit. but i know him, he's a very gentle soul and feels deeply about everything."

surya pats ishan's head, trying to soothe him. "do you blame yourself?"

ishan looks at him with, forcing a smile. "i can't blame the heartbroken, now. can i?"

"i suppose not. but was yours not broken to begin with?"

"that was a long time back," he mutters, averting his gaze.

"ishan, does that have anything to do with this-"

"it doesn't," ishan snaps. "sorry, can we not talk about that?"

surya sighs. "im sorry. back to this, where do you think things started going wrong?"

"i don't know, i was sure we were on the same page. i mean, everything started with the drunk kiss at the party. even after that, things were pretty much physical. i thought we were just having fun."

"i think shubman was rather attached to you though, more than normal."

"i thought that was normal," ishan groans. "he was being more flirty, i noticed. but a while back, we had this silly comparison of our charishma. so i thought he was proving a point!"

surya facepalms. "you're an idiot, and he's an even bigger one."

ishan fiddles his thumbs nervously. "im scared, bhaiya. what if i ruined everything between us? he hates me, doesn't he?"

"he's not that kind of person, you know it the best. give him some time, he'll be fine."

ishan's eyes glisten with sadness. "that's what i told him, a pathetic effort at comforting. but will he really be?"

surya smiles. "time heals everything."

ishan exhales deeply. "i should have pushed him away the first few times. i shouldn't have been drunk then-"

"ishan," surya says firmly. "what you should have done was communicate with him. you should have made things clear before getting involved with him."

ishan knows that, regret flashes in his eyes. "i wish i did, fuck. i just went with the flow since we were drunk half the time."

groaning, he adds, "im turning vegan."

surya frowns. "vegans drink alcohol."

"oh, really? virat bhai lied- wait, that's not the point. god, im going insane."

surya chuckles, glad at the shift in mood. "yeah, you've finally lost it. and of course the reason is shubman. life comes a full circle, huh?"

ishan sighs. "i want to make him feel better but i feel like anything i do will just hurt him. he wouldn't even look me in the eye."

surya feels bad for both of them. "was he avoiding you?"

"no, he let me stay with him. we didn't talk a lot, there was nothing left to really. i waited until he fell asleep. i didn't dare to say goodnight."

"you should get some sleep too," surya says. "did you get enough rest in home?"

"yeah... bhaiya, you were there too, right? when hardik bhai facetimed me?" ishan asks hesitantly.

surya nods, grimacing at the memory.

"did shubi say anything about it later?" he asks in a small voice.

surya debates whether he should tell him or not. it's better to tell him, he decides. or else ishan would make his own conclusions which would be far from the truth, surya knows it.

"he was really upset of course, but he was more angry i think. what i saw in his eyes that day was jealousy and...a sense of feeling betrayed? actually, i don't think that was his breaking point. it was an ignition, sure."

ishan furrows his brow in confusion. surya adds, "what i mean is, something changed between then and today. it hasn't been long since he realized his feelings, you know."

ishan closes his eyes. "i still can't believe he'd choose to fall for me."

"look, a lot has happened for you two in a very short span of time. give yourselves time." surya lays back with an amused look. "by the way, i doubt this story is over."

ishan looks at him. "haven't we suffered enough?"

"don't you remember how long shubman pestered his last girlfriend when she dumped him?"

"how can i forget that?" ishan grumbles. "she was probably close to filing a restraining order."

surya chuckles. "i know you're his best friend and shit but i for one know shubman doesn't give up. not until, well, you file a restraining order."

ishan doesn't respond.

"today was just not his day. my boy will be back," surya smiles.

ishan gets up, shaking his head. "there's no point in telling me, bhaiya."

surya's smile doesn't falter and it bothers ishan, as if he knows something he doesn't.

"goodnight, ishan," surya says.

ishan huffs, waving as he walks off.

"hey."

ishan looks back, his hand on the door knob.

"can't you give in? for old time's sake?" surya asks.

the cold metal starts to feel painful under his hold. "you said you wouldn't take sides," he says, rolling his eyes.

"besides," he adds. "you can't love the same person twice."

-x-

author's note:

uhuh anyone remember the lines in chp 13 before ishan said "ryan reynolds"?

had to cut this off from the last chp because it got too long (also to make you guys mad lol).

last chp was of course upto reader's interpretation but i personally never intended to make ishan seem like an asshole. if you think about it, his reaction was pretty realistic. but at the end of the day, this is wattpad and im writing random shit so idc it's fun to see y'all lose it in the comments love you guys lmao.