In Our Heads

Chapter 8

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Cassian ran his eyes over the grass following a little bird as it hopped across the lawn. While most of the trees had gone bare, save for the evergreens, the school made sure to keep the grass green so it looked like a weird contrast of colour and growth against the dark, almost empty trees.

He felt tired, once again having not really slept the previous night. It seemed to be becoming a recurring thing; the heavy, unnerving worry that caused his stomach to knot and chest to tighten making it slightly harder to breathe when he was attempting to relax enough to fall asleep.

He brushed it off. It would probably die down after the Yale interview or the upcoming exams. He had never been particularly worried about exams, maybe he unconsciously was now because it was his final year.

It was even harder not to space out when he was tired.

At the moment though, Cassian was focused on the cute little bird, he wondered what it was doing. Looking for food on the grass or a good branch to build its house with? He found the hopping adorable and could not look away, that was until there was a sharp poke on the back of his neck and he turned around to see why Justin had poked him.

"You plan anything for your birthday yet?" Justin asked, softly.

Cassian glanced towards the front of the classroom where Mr Sir was talking about the book they were currently reading. Their teacher was very absorbed in it, the passion as he spoke about the book made him look younger and captured almost everyone's attention. Almost.

"No, I'll probably just do the same thing I did last year." Complete his usual tasks before heading home and then out to dinner to have some cake with his parents if they were in town while opening their gifts to him. If they weren't, it was the same but they would do a short video call instead. It was what he did basically every year.

"But you're turning eighteen." Cassian furrowed his brows, confused about what that was supposed to mean. "Have you ever just had a birthday party?"

Not really. His parents once made a party when he was nine, he had hated it. There were a lot of adults and a lot of things he was not allowed to do.

There was classical music and he had to wear a tux all day and could not ruin it by running around with the only other three kids that were there. In the end, they had all ended up at the same table bored out of their minds as they tried to discreetly play a game with some of his marbles, the aim was to keep the marbles from rolling off the table.

"I know!" Justin's face suddenly lightened as he hissed.

"What?" Amber had apparently been listening to their little exchange the entire time.

"We can use Friday night's party to celebrate your birthday too. I mean, it's only three weeks away, right?" Justin said.

"That's such a good idea, we could –"

"Amber, are the three of you having fun?" Their teacher's voice boomed curiously.

Cassian turned around but felt his face begin to heat when he noticed even Theodore's dark eyes were on him. It was such a weird reaction to just a blank stare and he had never been embarrassed at anyone's stares before, so why was his face suddenly so damn hot? He should have just kept staring outside.

"Sorry, Mr Sir," Amber replied as she looked back down at her own book.

"As I was saying..." the man in the front of the room picked up where he had left off, everyone turning back to face him but Cassian's eyes stuck on the back of Theodore's head.

Dinner with him had been fun. Theodore's little brother seemed almost his polar opposite when it came to other people because the kid had spoken to Cassian so casually and made a friend in the diner quickly and easily. While they were eating, it was still hard to get Theodore to say more than a few words but it was nice seeing him smile and hearing him laugh because that did not happen at school.