Paralysis

.

He can't move.

He feels the arrow in his side before he watches it hit him. His vision still clouded with the sight of Planet, aiming the bow up, looking him in the eyes as he points the arrow directly at him.

Of Planet, shaky hands and bad form, not even holding the bow the right way (Any other time, he would walk over and show him how to do it right, any other place.) The apology still leaving his lips as he lets go of the string.

He can barely even register the pain of the wound. Though it does hurt, it doesn't exist only where the arrow had hit. The pain isn't even the result of the arrow, really. 

It's a kind of pain that he can feel in his entire body, that makes his still lungs shake, gasping for air that he doesn't need. A kind of pain 

It's a kind of pain that isn't really there. A pain that only exists in his mind.

A kind of pain that tells him that something is wrong. That something bad is happening and why aren't you moving? You have to fix it. You have to help. That's what you always do.

A pain that defies his body. That screams at him to move when he can't. That makes him want to cry, despite his tears being unable to fall. That makes him want to run, despite his legs being unable to move.

A pain that makes him want to scream, despite the noise that refuses to come out.

A pain that only grows when the man in front of him. The man responsible for all of this. For the totem in his hand, for the arrow in his side, for the anger that makes him sick when he dwells on it for too long.

When he makes some offhand comment, when he closes the door in his face. When he acts like all of this means nothing to him.

When he looks at Parrot's best friend, at Parrot's brother.

His brother, who likes to pick flowers, bring handfuls back home and proudly display the prettiest ones to him.

His brother, who plays chess with him every day, who always loses but has never cared. Because just spending time with Parrot makes him happy anyway.

His brother, who left him to die. Which created a pit of anger in Parrot's chest that he can't manage to shake, despite everything. Despite the love that's supposed to be here. Despite the adoration, the protection trying to fight it, to take it's place in his heart and mind.

It hurts. It hurts how those two feelings can both exist and are both so constant, so aggressive. Using him as a vessel to change the world around him.

Now, everything goes by without him. And they have nothing to do but build and hurt.

All his body does is stay still and ache, watch the world around it pass by.

Planet's staring at him.

Their eyes look at his with something that Parrot can't describe.

He thinks its something similar to the way that he would be looking at them if he could show all of the feeling inside of him. It's like Planet is hurting in the same way that he is, it's only that they're able to show it.

It's weird. He doesn't think he's seen Planet as emotional in the years that he's known him then he has in the past two weeks.

The ship flashes white once. And Parrot once again finds himself trying to yell, to say something. Though it's already over. There's nothing left to do but he still finds himself aching to move again.

If not to save his brother, then to save himself from all of the emotions building up inside and choking him.

He wants to grieve, he wants to be able to hurt and let the world know it. He wants his pain to be shared with the stars and the dirt. He wants the wind to be able to cry with him.

The ship flashes twice. He wants to feel himself cry.

He wants to see Planet cry. He wants somebody to hurt for him. To take some of the crushing feeling off of his shoulders.

He wants to see Planet cry, for everything that he has done to Parrot and everything that he's doing that they couldn't even begin to understand. They would never know the hurt that Parrot was feeling and he's almost mad at himself for wishing that they could.

Planet is looking at him. And Parrot can see an apology in his eyes. One that he wishes could make him forgive them. One that he wishes could undo everything that Planet did, that Planet didn't do.

The ship flashes for a third time. And it's gone.

Despite the totem in his hand, gleaming like a trophy. Radiating with enough energy to light an entire village. Parrot doesn't think he's ever felt more powerless.