Say My Name

Chapter One: Unlucky

Chapter One: Unlucky

My back hits the front door of my old worn out two-bedroom one bath house, initially waking me up from whatever spell this was. My lips unlock from Andys, a guy that works in the local hardware store across from Lilians Library, my pride and joy.

I had redone the place from top to bottom, poured my heart into all of the little details. Like how the lounge chairs are away from the main walkway giving the prospected reader privacy, the way the computers face away from the windows so that the sun doesn't glare on the screens. Everything in my library had been carefully planned, tried and executed.

So, it wasn't shocking after a million trips to Andys hardware store, which was in walking distance from my project, that this was happening. What was a shock was that now that he was here, at my front door panting, I just didn't feel the connection I thought I would.

He goes to lean in again, his lips puckered out. The shock of my realization and the fear of letting this get too far fuel my irrational next move. I sidestep him, causing him to kiss the peephole on my front door. He jumps back grabbing his nose, which he knocked against the red painted wood. "What the hell?"

I place a hand over my swollen lips, a gasp escaping from between them. That is not what I had meant to happen, far from it.

"I'm so, so, so sorry. Are you okay Andy?" I ask as I rub his shoulder comfortingly. "I panicked."

"You panicked? We've been kissing for the past five minutes." He lowers his hands, revealing a red nose free of blood thankfully. I might have just died of embarrassment if I caused his nose to bleed.

"I just realized that..." I don't want to hurt his feelings. I can't tell him that this past five minutes my brain has been thinking about what books to order for the shop tomorrow, and how I need to hurry on inside so I can walk Charlie, my German Shepard mixed breed that I got from the shelter when he could still fit in my hands, before he pees in my floor just like he did yesterday.

In shorter terms I wasn't into it.

But I couldn't just say that to him, after all it wasn't just his fault. I wasn't in the right headspace for this right now. I had a lot of stress on me with the new library opening on the other side of town, Vicki's Palace. Unlike my little coffee shop library, Vicki's Palace was two stories of nothing but perfection. It had bingo nights, story time for children and even local scavenger hunts once a month to donate funds to the orphanage in the town over.

"I forgot to brush my teeth." He steps closer and I grab the doorknob, twisting it slightly, ready to escape this messy situation I got myself into.

"I didn't notice." He smiles softly and I want to kick myself in the butt for doing this to a nice man like, Andy, but what can a girl do? When there isn't a spark there just isn't a freakin' spark. Even if the man takes good care of his Mama, works a good job, donated to charity, does the dishes, and has a shine in his eye when he plays with children letting you know he would be fit for fatherhood.

It's just not there.

"Listen Andy, you're a nice guy." He steps back, his eyes roll into the back of his head, and he puffs out a sigh of disappointment.

"Stop right there, Bonnie. Just stop right there. I don't need to hear the famous it's me not you speech for the hundredth time in my life." He smiles sadly up at me and my heart aches. "I swear you women are so confusing, y'all just don't like nice guys."

He didn't seem mad, if anything he seemed to be letting his humor take the sting of rejection from him. "I guess your gonna have to start paying full price for my paint, Bright Eye's."