Many go years without knowing about their condition, especially if they have not received a proper diagnosis or treatment. Selective mutism can be mistaken for shyness, average anxiety, or a language disorder, and some people may not realize that their inability to speak in certain situations is not normal.
Due to the poor understanding of this condition by the general public, many cases are likely to go undiagnosed. Finding out you have selective mutism can be a relief.
I found out I had SM all by myself. It's really a shame that no one ever helped me recognize it as a condition. I used to go whole years thinking I was just stupid and believing in all the remarks that I got from school staff and other students. Even from my parents as well, which I hid it from in my younger years because I assumed they would react in the same disappointed way. They do however understand me better now but still need learning.
I thought that mute was simply mute and there was nothing to it. If I grew up in a more understanding social environment then I'd know more a lot sooner. But I had to wait for myself to google it in my mid teens. I can't imagine if I had found out any later.
It was calming knowing that I wasn't an idiot for most of my life. It was also very sad that I felt extreme guilt for something I couldn't consciously control. I used to describe it as something that was 'wrong with me' and needed to be fixed in order to fit in with society. When in reality the problem wasn't my SM, it was the lack of understanding and the misinformation about my SM.
I got bullied for it for so long and I really took it to heart. People are just willing to pick on you for a small detail they don't relate to. Now that I am aware of my anxiety disorder, whenever someone is an imbecile and tries to ask me dumb questions so they can make fun of me, I don't give them anything. I even do this when I'm not sure if they genuinely are asking or they see me as an easy target. It is not worth the risk. You could say it is demand avoidance. Earlier on I would have answered them from pressure because I thought that how I was acting was wrong and I should comply no matter what. I was disrespecting myself and didn't even know it. I was that traumatized that I tried my hardest respecting others like I was told again and again I wasn't doing, to the point where I forgot about myself. Lack of virtue was not the problem in the first place. Discovering my SM has given me a sense of care for myself that I haven't felt in a long time.
I haven't told my parents about my condition as I suspect I'd have to explain a lot. I just fear in general how they would react. I'm not saying they would get angry or anything but they might not understand still. I'd have to communicate to them in their preferred way as well. The good old talking. Even though the person delaying the message would fail terribly. Writing is my strong point. I'd rather that but somehow it isn't valid enough. There is a lot I can explain through writing that I could never possibly ever through speech.
Before I had a label for this condition I believed I was an odd person who never fitted in. I thought I had brain damage even. Finding out I was someone with selective mutism brang me peace and it brang me light to the subject. If I didn't have the internet I would know a lot latter down the track. I am so thankful. But still I am not happy that I had to find answers by myself. I'd love if our world could get more education on selective mutism. That way I might have found out from my family, teachers, psychologists. Anyone really. It is honestly weird that not even specialists in these things were able to tell me. The awareness is poor and it is what kept me in the dark for all these years. I would have been less severely anxious sooner and worked on the problem if SM was more well known.
