TAINTED

Chapter 18

IVY

Opening my eyes proved to be harder than expected. My eyelids were heavy, and my head was sore from the amount of alcohol I drank. The momentary memory of tequila made my stomach twist and clench. I hated myself for how reckless I had been. Regret was slowly beginning to seep back into my consciousness, along with the disappointment that I once again succumbed to this weakness over Rhys.

I was embarrassed at how loose I had been with my actions and tongue. Last night, I slowly lost myself to that teenage girl, vying for Rhys Wyatt's attention. I rolled over and bit down on my blanket to let out a muffled cry. What the hell was wrong with me? I had practically begged him to kiss me, just like I did all those years ago.

Blaine's face flashed in my mind, and I felt like I was going to throw up. My careless actions would ruin their entire family if he ever found out. He'd hate me. Or worse, he'd hate Rhys. I couldn't let that happen. There was no way I could even begin to tell Blaine about that kiss. That hot, mouthwatering kiss that had never once felt like that in all the years I'd been with him. I shook away the memory and convinced myself there was no need to tell Blaine because it would never happen again.

What Blaine didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

I hugged my pillow and watched the clock on my wall tick away. I dreaded getting out of bed for my shift. I did not want to walk downstairs and face Rhys. I could hear him in the kitchen and the sizzle of a frying pan and the drip of a coffee pot. Plus, I couldn't fathom moving just yet. My head was still pounding. I felt nauseous, and I smelled like a brewery.

When my phone started ringing, I fished for it on the edge of my nightstand. The sound was murdering my ears. I prayed it wasn't Blaine calling. There was no way I could look or talk to him right now. I was a guilty mess.

Shit.

It was Blaine.

A pang of guilt coursed through me. I sucked in a raged course of air and clicked to his call on FaceTime. He finally appeared on my screen. His hair was a wild mess, dark purple circles hung under his eyes, and he wore a frown. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. I had a sick feeling that my avoiding him had something to do with it. I couldn't help but stiffen at this observation.

"Fuck, baby. I know you asked for space," he blew a ragged breath and ran his hand through his matted hair. "But I needed to hear your voice and see your face. I am so mad at myself for not telling you about Amy. I'm begging you to please let me back in, Ivy. Please don't end us."

Unshed tears threatened my eyes, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. Seeing him so upset pained me. I wanted to reply, but I was afraid of what would come out of my mouth, so I remained silent. Blaine was safe. He loved me. What had I done?

"Ivy? Are you going to answer me?"

I blinked as his words brought me back to reality.

"Blaine, I am not going to end us," I assured him.

He finally smiled. "Then why did you need space? Are you having doubts about us?"

My stomach hollowed out as I realized it was all my fault he worried about our relationship. I was being distant. I knew Blaine would never intentionally hurt me. He wasn't the problem. I was. I had kissed his brother.

"No, Blaine, I am not ending us," I sighed. "I was just so angry. Mostly at myself."

His eyes widened. "What? Why? I am the one who fucked up. Not you."

"You really should have told me about Amy, but I was also wrong for not telling you Rhys was staying at the ranch. I fucked up too. I am no better, and I'm sorry. It's you who should be mad at me." I held a steady gaze with him through the screen, and he cocked his head to the side, studying me. I wanted so desperately to tell him I kissed Rhys; I wanted to come clean; I did...but I couldn't bring myself to do it.