(18+)
For the past six years, 22-year-old Benedict Ash has barely existed inside the walls of Shady Oaks Psychiatric facility, wasting away beneath the fluorescent lights and relishing in the destruction she deserves.
But when she's presented with a...
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Panic attacks. "A sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent cause." There are over fifteen signs of a panic attack—rapid heartbeat, nausea, sweating, chills, and so on. I'd like to say I haven't experienced every listed one, but that would be a lie. 35% of the current population has experienced an attack like this. Let's just say, I wish I could be in the other 65%.
I've had more panic attacks than I can count on both hands—not that I keep count anymore. They're usually caused by images of Kate, her blonde curls soaked in blood, her torn dress lying in shreds beside her immobile body. But, all my problems can be traced back to that image, that day, that event.
This time, though, the attack isn't caused by Kate. It's caused by a vicious nurse, obliterating the manuscript Mr. Forsythe sent home with me. Gemma didn't confiscate it on Wednesday, as she said there was no harm in having something to read.
Norma, on the other hand, went ballistic when she found it and instantly accused me of sleeping with Mr. Forsythe for favors and entertainment. With my bruising from last week, Dr. Edmund has cracked down on the use of the security cameras, so she can't hit me like usual. Instead, she'll destroy something valuable to me, something that could get me fired from Forsythe Publishing House.
"Please, stop!" I cry, reaching for the stack again as she relentlessly tears paper after paper. The sound of the ripping barely breaks through my muffled ears. It's like I'm underwater. I can't breathe. I can't hear. I can barely make out the blurry scene before me.
"Shut up, whore! I'll make sure you never get to go back there, that you never exploit another man with your Jezebel spirit."
"Please, Norma, I didn't do anything! It's my job, that's it—"
"What is going on in here?" Gemma's frantic voice is enough to make Norma freeze in her destruction. But from my tears and distressed state plus the destroyed manuscript, it shouldn't be too hard to guess what's happening.
Norma still tries to spin it in her favor, though. "Gemma, thank God. Benedict was trying to use these pages to cut herself. Look at what she did to this manuscript! I came in to this—"
"That's not what happened!" The argument slips from my mouth before I can stop it. I don't typically argue with Norma, because I know it will only come back to harm me in the future. "I didn't do that, Gemma, please! I didn't do it!"
But I don't want Gemma to think I'm suicidal. I don't want Dr. Edmund to revoke my privileges. I don't want to be stuck here anymore. Those two days of freedom and the past three days of confinement have shown me that I want to live. Be on my own. Even if I don't deserve it, I want it. Almost as badly as I want Kate back.
Gemma looks between us, questioning and disbelief in her eyes. She's not one to side with a nurse just because they're a nurse. She's fair and kind, and I hope she'll see the truth of the situation.
