Lily

Ghost of the Past

Dear self

I'm still not okay

I thought I already moved on from the past

But it still keeps haunting me

I don't know what kind of closure I need to move on but I badly need to get over it completely already

After reading their messages

It felt like I was betrayed all over again yesterday'

Every event was so vivid that it felt that it all happened just yesterday

And I hate how vivid it is in my dreams

In my head

Whenever I close my eyes

I see myself experiencing it all over again

I don't even want to experience it all over again but my head loves to play with me

My head loves to tear my apart

My head loves playing with my memories as vivid is it can be

It was so vivid that I can hardly differentiate the 2022 from 2023

It was so vivid that I couldn't count our happy memories anymore

I wanted some peace

I needed some peace

My head hurts

And so does my heart

Why did I have to experience these things

What did I do to deserve these experiences in life

I suffer while she enjoys

Fuck

And here I am, gaslighting myself that I am fine

That I have moved on

But the truth is,

It's been haunting me till today.