Outer

18. The Rumors

Everything feels distant.

I'm walking around on auto. My mind keeps wandering and 'deleting' memories I've just made. I hardly remember what we learned in class. All I know is that it annoyed me and it bored Chester. Both classes.

I do remember being told we'll be going to the town as a class every Wednesday.

If I really try, I can piece things together to bring things back. But if I try too hard, it falls apart again. The clock says that six to seven hours have passed, but my mind says that it's been less than an hour.

It's driving me insane!

Did I already fill out that journal with Adelaide?

Did I have a conversation with Celine?

Who is Michaels?

Why do my hands hurt?

What did I eat for lunch?

Where has time gone?

"So, are you still going to sit with Celine?" Someone asks, breaking into my head space. I turn to see Bexley holding a notebook. My notebook.

How do I know it's mine? I don't know, it just feels like mine. Why is he holding it? I don't know that either.

I nod and mumble, "Can I see that?"

He hands it to me and I flip it open to the section that has a bookmark in it. It's my handwriting. It fills all the pages top-to-bottom.

It's what I've been doing today.

Of course! I'm a genius!

I scribble in it before handing it back to him. He smiles at me and nods ahead. I turn and step into the Lunch hall. I scan the room for Celine and when I spot her, I trudge over to her. Whatever I planned on doing will come back to me once I sit with her. I'm certain

"Lynx. Hi. Are you going to get your food?" Celine asks, pitifully smiling at me. Suddenly I become annoyed. I look around the room to see everyone doing double takes. Some point at me and others giggle. When one person looks at me, they look at Bexley and vice versa.

It hits like a wall of bricks.

The rumors.

It had to be about Bexley. It couldn't be about one of the other boys. The boys I grew up in the same training home with. What was it about again?

Oh, of course. It's that I'm scandalous and just want to succeed in sleeping with boys. I think it's worse for Bexley.

"Hello, Celine. Thank you for letting me sit with you," I mutter, sitting across from her. She nods and pokes at her food, "Why wouldn't I? Silly rumors like that don't phase me. But I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You really don't deserve it."

I try not to scoff. It sounds ridiculous. Me, Lynx, not deserving attention? I'm not the optimist, but things could go well from here.

That is if I can start remembering things.

I smile at her and mumble a small thank you before noting a watch on my wrist. I lift my hand and tap the screen on the small gadget. A small screen folds out of it. On the screen are five things, three of which are crossed out.

It takes me a moment to figure out what the list is, but when I do I let out a crazy laugh. It's small but it expresses the disdain I feel for agreeing to do the tasks. Looking at the list, I know why I did it. It's because I wanted these fools to know what kind of person I am. I don't need people, they're just nice stepping stools.