The Prodigy | The Matildas

28. Burn in hell.

It was the next day, and I had spent all morning laying in bed. 

"KitKat?" Sam's head pops in from behind my door, I think the only time she's come in without slamming against my door first. "Do you want me to grab you some lunch."

My head is still resting on my tear-stained pillow as I peer up at her. I shake my head softly, pulling my blanket up to my eyes. "I'm not hungry."

Sam walks in, closing the door behind me before sitting on my bed next to me, like a scene you would see in a cliche coming of age film. "KitKat, when was the last time you ate?"

I shrug, my shoulders moving from underneath my blanket. "I just don't have the appetite to stomach anything."

"I know Olive garde- Oliver meant a lot to you, but you have to put yourself first. The last time I saw you eat was dinner two days ag-" 

"No, fuck Oliver, I don't give a shit about him anymore. If he hadn't been on my mind, I would have done better in the semi's, I can't- I won't let myself get distracted by another boy again." I say, glaring at my white tulips, my dead tulips.

Sam sighs. "Don't blame yourself, it had to get past all of us before it reached you."

"I was so good at it, I- how can I be labelled a prodigy when I can't do shit!" My voice cracked. "It was all because I got distracted."

Sam rubs my shoulder, truly like a mother would. "Just- just don't let Oliver be the reason why you won't get into another relationship. When you were with him-" I shoot her a glare. "when you were spending time together, you were playing the best matches you've had since you've been here. It's alright to like someone, you just have to learn how to separate that side of yourself from your football side. Everyone on the team has had to learn how to."

My peer up at Sam, who looks back down on me with a soft smile. I sit up, maybe the first time that I have since I got back from the game. I throw my arms around Sam's waist, startling Sam for a moment. 

She reacts by wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "Hey, it's ok, I got you. No one's mad at you, I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you." She says as she pats my head.

I look up from her shoulder, seeing those haunting tulips as if they're mocking me. I'm going to fucking burn those tulips us, I fucking hate tulips. 

***

I skipped out on dinner again, still not feeling it. I've not actually seen any of the girls since the game, since I've locked myself in my room. Today was recovery day, so we didn't have training. They're currently having dinner right now, whilst I'm heading out with my- the tulips. I made sure to stay away from trees and grass, I'm smarter than that.

The match lights up as I strike it, dropping it onto the tulips that I had so dearly loved for so long. The flowers catch fire immediately, the dried, shrewd up state being perfect to burn. I watch them as they burn to ashes on the pavement, watching them burn. I'm burning the memories, burning the flowers that made me love him.

My phone rings, and I'm ready to ignore it if it was any of the Tillies, not having the energy to eat at the moment. It's Leah. 

"Hello?"

"Hey Kat! We're having a party at Jorden's and we were wondering if you wanted to come over? I know you and Oliver just ended and we have tons of drinks, we only have like fifteen people over."

I check the time, 8pm. "Yeah, I'll be there in 10." I hang up, before stomping on the ashes of the flowers, putting out the fire. Still, I can see the memories of his septum piercing, and his freckles, all burnt into the ashes. "Burns in hell." I growl at the ashes, as if it would do anything.