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I don't know what happen. I really don't. But it all happened and I'm glad in a way it did. Though it didn't turned out as I want it to be but I knew it from the start that it would not. But look here I'm thinking over it again. I've made so many decisions in my life some are right some are wrong. But I don't know what I did these years was right or wrong. If I would think over it again as I'm doing it in this very moment. I could change so many things but I didn't and here I'm writing my fellings. I didn't regret abit of what I did nor i've any intention to do it. No one knows what will happen next but me, I knew from the start. I knew from the start about my future. I've a glimpse of it but again I didn't do anything.
Once I was the girl whom you guys called cute or sweet. I was the girl who was so care free but if you look at me now I'm now a confident, independent women who don't buy a shit of anyone. And for this I would gladly give all the credits to him. Mostly stories was how a boy came and girls falls head over love with her. But this story is not. My story is not.
I still dont know what I did back than was good or bad,right or wrong. But whenever I think back to that day when I first saw him, I kind of knew that day that this one boy has something different, something which I still can't define.
I first saw him in our high school. Me- ms.goody to shoes, shy girl, favourites of all teachers. But it didn't took him too long to destroy all this and funny thing is I didn't give this thing a damn. While I was a shy one but a flirty one, popular for my intelligibility he was what you would call? A badboy? I dont know. Because in a way he was and in another way he was not. He usually gets into trouble. Teachers glare at him but he don't give a fuck. He was Not good at studies. Teachers dispporve of him.
No I'm no tutor of his, nor I've any intention to be one. No I was not there to give him a ear full of discipline and crap stuff. Yes, I was there but not in tutor or a teacher-y way. I was there with him in his good and bad. And same goes to him. He was always there whenever I needed but not me.
We met. Don't know why and how?. But now if I think I would say that god is really something. I met him and from that day my world changed mostly because of him but not only because of him.
We made promises to each other but the only which we can fillfull. We both knew what our future is holding . we both knew that there is no future of us together. We knew that there will be no us. But still we were together as one in each others good and bad. Our story was just like this
Sometimes you love the person you know you can't have. You know you have no future with, but you want to stay with him as long as it can. As long as you can,he can. Because it just like the same way when you are soaking wet in the rain you know you are going to be sick afterwards but you wanna stay there because it feels great.
Our story was like this. No future of us together. No us in the future but we wanna hold each other because it feels great.
I have demons in my life as so has he. I told him my darket secrets. He didn't. Nor I told him that I know about them. I never once asked him to tell about his life damons because I know when he will be ready he will tell me. He never once tell me. But its okay I guess.
I waited for him to tell his secrets. I waited for him to be holding me again at that day when I needed him. I waited. I waited for him to come and tell me that was all wrong that we can and we would leave as one in the future but he didn't and in a way I'm still waiting and probably I always will. I wanna say him how much I love him and I did but it didn't change the situation and circumstances in which we were. He told me the same but didn't stop anything. He can but he didn't. He have choice and same goes to me but we didn't. God knows what would happen if happen if we could do something when its needed but reality is a cruel bitch because the truth is always going to be the same.
We have choice, we both have but we both didn't do anything about it.
I can't blame him and myself too. I was waiting for him to come to me and hold me and never let me go. I waited to have a future with him. I waited for him to atleast fight off his demons atleast for me. I waited and in a way I still am. Six years later . I still am waiting for him and deep inside I know I always will be waiting for him.
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¶¶¶¶¶\\\\\ A love poem¶¶¶¶¶\\\\\
My Love
My love is like an ocean
It goes down so deep
My love is like a rose
Whose beauty you want to keep.
My love is like a river
That will never end
My love is like a dove
With a beautiful message to send.
My love is like a song
That goes on and on forever
My love is like a prisoner
It's to you that I surrender.
----------by Tasha Shores
