Love Never Dies (an Unconditional student/teacher romance)

Chapter Nine - Are you OK, sir?

Chapter Nine - Are you OK, sir?

Again, I was proven wrong. Once the break of the summer holidays was over, and I returned back to school with new clothes and such - still no sign of Emily – my first class was Physics. I grumbled into the classroom, expecting Mr. Williams to yell for his 'much needed' silence, and sat down next to Tracey. Tracey, I noted, had altered during the summer holidays. Her black hair was now a peroxide blonde with red beneath the thinly cut layers. She was caked in make-up – strangely more Barbie like than ever before. And her attitude, too, had worsened. She was snappier, more aggressive. I didn’t immediately speak to her – I bided my time until she muttered something first; which was a mere 'alright'.

"Hello, guys. Hope you all had a nice summer..."

My heart leapt unevenly. It was him, Dr. Andre. I looked up – he too had altered. He wasn’t as grim looking as I witnessed him to be during my glimpse of him in ASDA supermarket, but he was still morbid and edgy.

Everyone, including myself, were so openly amazed to see him that we remained outright silent and listened to his anomalous quiet voice speak.

"If you would please listen up, I will assign you with some past papers for your upcoming prelims. I… over the break… marked some of your old NAB's and noticed that a few of you are lacking points. So I thought that first things first I would try to boost your grades up a little, help you understand the main aspects of Physics." He turned around and collected the papers from his desk, not asking anyone to hand them out like he used to. "If you would please take a look over some of your marks, then you can point out your flaws and fix where you have gone wrong… Well done, Mr. Cormack, fifty out of fifty. Full marks!"

He began to repeat his ‘well done’ comments to other students. When he halted near my table – the very back one which was in front of the main window – he handed Tracey her paper, explained to her of her adequate mark, then handed me mines. My mouth clamped shut. I became sweaty, nervous. I just wanted to embrace him. His comatose blue eyes were so deepening that I could see the tears weeping from his soul. I had to use every muscle in my body to strain myself from crushing him.

"Very good, as always Rub – Miss Ander-sone, full marks on your last NAB. I can see that you enjoy Nuclear Radiation. Keep it up, master the main aspects of handling the spectrum and you should do just fine," he handed me my fully marked past paper. I never took it, or looked at it. Dr. Andre kept his hand outstretched, uncertain why I wasn’t taking the paper from him. Enough of his pretence. It was all true – the rumours about his supposedly biological dead son and his cheating girlfriend. I had to ask.

"Are you OK, sir?"

Dr. Andre continued to be poised, still trying to hand me my paper. Tracey, from next to me, had her Walkman earphones plugged in whilst over-looking her marks. The look on his face, of complete surprise and gratitude, was appalling to me. It was as if I was the first person to ever ask him such a question since the death of his first child.

Unhurriedly, and nonchalantly, with watery eyes, Dr. Andre nodded and smiled, before he laid my paper down in front of me and sat back down at his desk, preparing to move the class on to something else.

I bit my bottom lip, trying to combat against my welling tears, but as my lips quivered, I heard someone rise up from their seat and make way to the door.

"Carry on, guys. I... I just need to photo-copy something. Back in two - two moments!" Dr. Andre scurried out of the classroom.

Me, being the unbalanced and delusion in love teenager that I once was, followed after him, which left the classroom shaken. I ran down the purple corridor, not far behind Dr. Andre, and jogged into the staff base room, where Dr. Andre, unaware of my presence, ran in to their toilet, and what I guessed to be, broke down.

What was I doing, and why now, of all tines? I truly and factually didn’t know. But I couldn’t stop myself. My hands grasped him, turned him around, and I threw myself into his strong arms. Surprisingly, he caught me, yet more in shock than ever before.

And just when my transcendent body thought that I was enduring another one of my hot, sweaty dreams, I felt the reality of his solid body holding me, and I kissed him; a long, hard and loving kiss, which astoundingly, he responded to.

However, it was not for long. As quickly as I felt his harsh, illusory lips press against my own, and his tongue sought mine, he yanked his mouth away and with a heave, my body was thrown backwards into the florid toilet door.

"I can’t! What’re we doing!" he glowered at me.

I could only but stare powerlessly back, the both of us heaving and panting. The point that he shouted what were we doing meant something to me; meant that surely he had been feeling these uncontrollable feelings too.

"Go! Get out! GO AWAY!" His horrified form pushed me out of the toilet. I wallowed backwards, landing with a loud clunk and yelp onto my backside, before I noticed already I was crying. I remained to be crying for a few minutes, helplessly and irrepressibly, whereas I knew Dr. Andre was listening to my cries from the other side of the shacking door.

Afraid in case at any instant a teacher was going to come into the staff base and notice a student crying on their floor, with her legs crossed and her head bent, I stood up, wiped my tears with my shirts sleeve and walked to the door.

"Why?" I asked. Why, why couldn’t he just admit his feelings? My delusional, in love, sixteen year old self was not as delusion as I thought.

Certainly, providing this wasn’t a nightmare, if he kissed my back, then that meant I wasn’t just taking advantage of his vulnerability, but he had feelings for me too. Granted, they were still to be fully diagnosed first, but they were feelings.

I could only but go home that day. I informed the school’s main office that I was feeling ill, and that mum was coming to pick me up to take me to an emergency doctor’s appointment. Uneasily, they permitted my excusful life. So I went for a bus. It came not to long after I arrived at the bus station outside of the shopping mall. I sat at the very back row, staring out the stickered and steamed window, up at the dark, hoary sky which was shrouding Whitestone fiercely. The darkness of the clouds articulated my non descriptive emotions.

That night, after I so pathetically cried and cried in my room, I strongly considered phoning Emily, but according to my mother, she phoned earlier and left a message saying that she was going to explain 'all to me later'. Yeah right!

I scowled to myself in the mirror.

Taking a wipe, I wiped away the blackness which stained my cheeks from crying, tied my long, red hair into a messy bun, and, pulling my hood up from my jumper over my head, I trailed my legs to my bed, laid down, and fell into a dreamless sleep.'

Emily paused before moving on to the next page. The guilt in her was weighing her down; she felt heavy against her room's headboard. She took a deep breath, and mused very silently. Emily had no idea that all the time she spent with Mr. Radcliffe, Ruby somehow maraculously already knew. That Ruby was going through even more pain than she. Yet she never said anything? Her guilt was bringing useless tears to her eyes. She fought them back, and swiftly, she turned to the next page, which was dated the beginning of December, 2002.