My Darkness and My Light (Little Star)

Chapter Eight: My Love

We had materialized on the ground just outside camp. As soon as I escaped Halsin's giant paws, I scooped up the nearest water carafe and drank until it made me nearly sick. As the carafe emptied, I was in my Panther before the bottle hit the ground and off on a hunt. I desperately needed more food than I could take in while in human form. I was elated to be running through the undergrowth, sun on my fur and thrumming earth beneath my paws. I took down a yearling doe and was gorging myself when my bear friend ambled into the glen. He shifted into human form, pulling on his robes and sat down with his back leaning against my flanks. "I'm so happy you're home. I'm sorry it took us so long. I know you were upset with me and I've rehearsed so many things I wanted to tell you, about us, about the nature of my relationship with Astarion." Here he chuckled and added "Though judging by the taste of his kiss, I'll assume the nature of your relationship with him has changed somewhat." I gave a wildcats angry yowl and spun on him, hitting him hard with my paw, keeping my claws retracted, before returning immediately to my feast. He rolled away from me, laughing.

After I finished my meal, I shifted back to sit against my friend in human form. "We're safe for now?" I asked. "As can be for the moment," he sighed happily, leaning his shoulder against mine. "I thought about you a lot these past days," I said. "Oh?" he asked. "What kind of thoughts?" he teased. "Those kinds," I softly said. "Why have I never kissed you?" Halsin's expressive brown eyes met mine and he scooped me into his arms and settled me in his lap facing him. I wrapped my legs around him and turned my face up towards his. He pulled me tightly to him and pressed a long kiss to my forehead. Then lowered his mouth to claim mine. This kiss was deep and so very slow. I found my heart was singing and I felt the love of my God and the love of all the natural world being poured into me through his kiss. His kiss was so different than Astarion's cool sensual kiss had been. Whereas Astarion wielded his tongue like one of his daggers, a finesse weapon of precise control, perfect every time, Halsin's kiss was wild, not sloppy but definitely not controlled either. When you kiss Halsin, that moment and that kiss are all that exist across any plane of existence. My heart broke at the thought that I could have left this life never knowing his lips on mine. He pulled back from the kiss after the longest time in order to whisper against my lips. "I love you with my whole being, my kitten. You are Silvanus' greatest gift to me." He then claimed my mouth again and our kiss resumed and deepened. I whimpered against his mouth and pulled back to try to tell him that I felt the same love for him, but I didn't know how and I choked on my words. "I know, my dearest love." He whispered against me.

A throat cleared from the tree line and Halsin and I turned to see Astarion standing there. He raised his hands plams outward, "Don't shoot the messenger, but you've been requested at camp." Halsin stood but did not turn me loose. He strode powerfully towards the tree line with me still wrapped around him. As he swept past Astarion he caught his chin in a huge hand and pressed a kiss to the beautiful elf's mouth. "To camp then," Halsin said, "but we three need to talk, and soon."

That afternoon we made plans. Elminster already had things in hand with the magic thieving assholes who had kidnapped me. The more pressing issue in the moment was that the favors Gale had to beg from his goddess Mystra to get Astarion and I back were being called in immediately. The group decided to split, a few heading back to check in with Elminster, and the rest backing up Gale on his quest. I was too drained to consider either, and it was decided Astarion and I would recoup at the little hunting lodge the next valley over and wait for both groups to reconvene there in the next weeks. I would work on recovering and increasing my magic for the battle that we knew was coming. No one was shocked or attempted to dissuade him when Halsin begged off of both missions to stay behind and "keep these two out of trouble."

By evening, we were at the lodge and saying our goodbyes as everyone headed for their missions. I stepped into the lodge, laid eyes on the big down bed and was in it without even removing my boots. I woke for a few minutes just before dawn, my boots had been removed and I was tucked under soft down quilts, the massive elf curled around me hugging me as if he was afraid I would disappear again. Astarion had clearly rested in the stuffed chair that was comfortably positioned near the fireplace. But he was awake now, poking at the dying embers of the fire. He heard me stir and looked over, the expression on his face near inscrutable but I could see both sorrow and longing playing there. He shot me a quick half smile and turned back to the fire. I snuggled down into my bear hug and was back asleep immediately. I slept fitfully those last few hours. The ruby eyes of the pale elf were watching me in my dreams and I felt waves of pain, panic, anger, and fear rolling off of him. I was wimpering restlessly in my sleep when Halsin kissed me awake in the sunlight. "Hungry kitten," Halsin asked?" "Famished," I replied. "Want to hunt!?" I smiled. "Let me hunt for us," he replied. "I feel you and Astarion need a little alone time to talk while you aren't being forced together and dying . While things are just normal." "Normal!?" I snorted, but Halsin was already out of bed and pulling on his clothes and boots. He was right. He kissed me a goodbye and was out the door heading for the woods.