Sans Undertale x Jesus Christ

Jans

I'm not religious, but I feel like even if there isn't a God, one will spawn in to damn me for writing this.

Sorry, Jesus. Not my fault you'd totally be tsundere for Sans.

Sorry, Sans. I think this is worse than all those times I no-hit you.

...

"hi, jesus." Sans greeted casually as he walked up to the cross. Jesus looked up, His eyes bloodshot and His scalp bleeding.

"Ah... Hello again, Sans. It is... Nice to see you... In my final moments..." Jesus responded. Sans whistled as he looked at the nails embedding the son of God into the cross.

"whew. you don't look so good."

"I... Am to die here..." Jesus responded, looking away a bit. 

"My God, My God... Why have you forsaken me...?"

"i'm really sorry. if i could stop it, i would." Sans offered his sympathy. Jesus cracked a smile despite Himself.

"I appreciate it. You've... Been a good friend."

"thanks. glad to know you do like my jokes." Sans winked. Jesus's face turned to one of annoyance.

"I do not. I merely... Tolerate them." He scoffed. Sans chuckled.

"suuure. you think i'm real funny, huh?"

"I do not!"

"you could say i'm... humerus?" Sans quipped. Jesus rolled His eyes as He shifted in place. He would've facepalmed if His hands were free.

"Father almighty, you're annoying..." Jesus trailed off.

"oh, don't give me that!" Sans responded, grinning. "you like the puns,"

"I do not. Cease this at once."

"wow. you really got a bone to pick with me, huh?"

"Shut. Up." Jesus growled, uncharacteristically curt. Sans tilted his head, still smiling.

"hey, i get that you're having a bad time and all..." He nodded towards the cross. "but don't take it out on me. i'm not the one who stuck you up there."

Jesus took a deep breath, before looking back up at Sans, smiling a bit.

"You... Are right. I apologize."

"eh, no big deal." Sans responded with a wink. "y'got it worse than me."

Jesus sighed, throwing a glance at His hands, which were bound by nails.

"I just don't understand... I've done nothing to deserve this..."

"don't sweat it, pal." Sans responded. "bad things happen to good people."

Sans paused. He still smiled, but it was clearly forced.

"y'don't deserve this... no one does..."

"I appreciate your words, Sans." Jesus looked up. "You really are a wonderful friend."

"thanks. i try."

Sans chuckled at he looked Jesus up and down.

"y'know... you're still pretty, by the way. even with the whole blood loss and malnutrition thing." He said. Jesus sputtered for a moment.

"E-Excuse me?!"

"uh, no offence?" Sans tilted his head. Jesus sighed, His face a bit red.

"I am... Not offended. It just caught me off guard." 

"hehe. you're blushing."

"I am not blushing, Sans!" Jesus stated firmly, though He looked away. Sans chuckled.

"suuuure. whatever you say." 

"Oh, you impure little..."

"impure?" Sans would've raised an eyebrow if he had one. "oh, don't act like you're any better."

"I am better! I'm... I'm not going to be tempted by a skeleton!"

"yeah, sure. so you're saying you don't want to..." 

"Don't you dare." 

 "bone?" Jesus rolled His eyes as the skeleton smirked. 

"That... That wasn't even good." He scoffed

"i thought it was quite humero-"

"You already used that one!" Jesus exclaimed. Sans grinned.

And then Jesus died because he literally being fucking crucified.