The Ghost of Princeton ||Spencer Reid||

yes

CRESSIDA

"So where does all of that leave us?" I asked.

"I don't know..." Spencer trailed off, looking down at his hands. "Where do you want it to leave us?" Oh god. Why was he putting it back on me? Surely he knew what I wanted by now, surely it had been well implied by this point. Everything had been me trying to show that I wanted him, but both of us were good at not being able to see those clues. After all, if he had been showing them to me I hadn't noticed.

How lowly did we think of ourselves to assume the other didn't want us? Was it on us or on the other person for not explicitly saying it? How long ago could we have done this if we had just been honest with each other? Where could we already be if we had said this five and a half years ago? Or if one of us had just left a note for the other on that damned computer?

"Cress..." He said my name so quietly, as if speaking it too loud or too fast might spook me. Like I was a timid animal that might run at any second. "I care about you." He said and my eyes reached his, and I saw the terror in his soft, amber coloured eyes. "I care for you." I was still frozen, unable to move or say anything, so he continued.

"I want what I imagined while I was in Millburn. The only thing I thought when you lied about being pregnant was how much I wanted it, when I thought Cat might have been telling the truth about her baby I lost control because it should have been you. When I lied about being engaged to you, my fingertips were still buzzing from the brush of contact we had. When you took me out of the interview room and started lying to Cat about us the only thing I felt was regret that it wasn't true." Why was I freezing? Wasn't this what I wanted?

"I kissed you when you walked out of the room, not just to solidify the lie for Cat, but to pretend for a bit longer that maybe it was real. And it was something I had been thinking about doing since we first kissed months ago. Earlier today when you said that I lied back then, I did. It did hurt when you pulled away from me, but I wasn't lying when I said I would wait for you." He said, and I felt my body begin moving. At first I just took hold of his hands, realising I had to prove I was listening. And then I shuffled to be sitting on my knees in front of him. "I know you're scared about this, that you don't want to ruin our friendship. So, if you don't want to do this-"

I let go of his hands and reached to hold his neck, nearly throwing myself towards him to crash my lips against his. The world seemed to slip away as his hands made their way to my waist, as my body felt like electricity was charging through it. All this from a kiss? I pulled away, resting my forehead against his as I felt his breath fanning over me.

"I fed you that story in Millburn so I could also pretend we were more than friends." I whispered, moving to straddle his lap, his neck still in my hands. "The pregnancy idea was just because I got angry that you wouldn't see me, but it probably stems from when I spoke to Morgan. When he told me Hank's full name and a part of me felt... jealous might be the closest emotion to it. He named his child after you and all I wanted was a family with you. At that point I thought you hated me, that it wouldn't be possible."

"I've never hated you..." he whispered, his eyes only on mine as my face hovered above his.

"I know that now, but back then was a different story." I said, letting go of his neck to push his hair out of his eyes. "And then everything else happened. It all made me realise how much I care for you too, how possessive I'm going to get if you let me."

"Possessive?" He whispered, his hands running up my ribs, pulling the sweater I had intended to sleep in up my torso and revealing a sliver of skin. The touch probably felt more intense because I'd already slipped my bra off when I got ready for bed; and there was no doubt in my mind he was very aware of that fact right now.