All too well

Chapter twenty-four

Taylor

I felt something heavy on me and slowly realized it was Meredith purring on my lap and slowly waking me up. I oppened my eyes and yawned as both her and Dibbles came to claim their breakfast. I gently pet them. They were soft, like always, and they meowed at me again, so I'd serve them their meal. I slowly got up and stretched before taking my phone. 8:03. I yawned again before realizing what I just read on my screen and widened my eyes. Fuck me! I'm late!

"Damn it!" I was spectacularly late this time, rushing out the door while I tried to put on my coat, almost falling on my face when I slipped. Dory is gonna kill me... I was freezing and hoped that Lilly hadn't forgotten our scarf in her drawer because I was planning on stealing it. It was our last day of school before Christmas break and I was very excited to spend this incredible holiday with her. And New Year... I couldn't wait to spent the first second of the New Year with her...

It was still snowing. Almost hadn't stopped since Thanksgiving. The coat of white frozen water was thick, and I thanked the world that the roads had been cleared of all snow the night before, making it easier for me to hurry to school. I was wearing my new necklace. The one that I now couldn't live without and I was playing with the pendant while driving down the cold empty roads. She really knew me. Probably better than my own parents and that scared me, but it also made me fall for her even more.

I sighed and searched my locker for the right textbook when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around with a smile, expecting Lilly but found myself face to face with Riley. Shit. My lips immediately formed a line to stop myself from saying it out loud.

"Hey!" I rolled my eyes a closed the metal door before walking away without even a glance her way. "Oh come on! Don't ignore me!" She kept following me as I tried my best not to explode. She just made me so mad! How I never realized how truly toxic she was really made me uncontrollably mad. When we were friends, she'd always ditch me and make me feel like it was my fault. She hated it when I went to hang out with anyone else, but barely talked to me when I was there. She kept making me feel so small...

"Tay! What? Are you in love with Lilly or what's the fucking deal? Because you completely abandoned me! It's been months!" Literally just proving my point... I rolled my eyes again and it took all I had in me not to punch her in her fucking pathetic face at that exact moment. "So what if I am?" She scoffed as I stopped to look at her. She was enraged, her green eyes judging me and I was very tempted to shove the pen that was in my pocket where the sun don't shine. "Oh, so you're gay now? She turned you gay?" I clenched my jaw as Lilly appeared at the end of the hall and she came towards us. "First if all, you can't turn anyone gay. It is something you are. Second of all, I'm pansexual, but not that you give a fuck. You don't care about me! Ever since you found your popular "friends", you stopped giving a fuck about me!" She was red now, as I raised my voice and a few heads turned. "Tay, you're the one that abandoned me!" My fist clenched and I started to see red. "Don't call me Tay!" My fist flew and before I could even understand what was happening I was punching her. Students formed a circle around us, screaming and I caught a glimpse of Lilly's horrified face before Riley came rushing back towards me, taking me by surprise, since I was staring at my red fist. I had some trouble realizing what I was doing as I was fighting, with my ex best friend in the middle of the school. Great! I am definitely getting my ass kicked by my parents tonight...

She pulled my hair and I pushed her away as I dug my nails into her skin. "You fucking bitch!" She punched me again and I felt the blood drip from my face. I was seeing red as she ripped my shirt. "You don't get to judge me! Not when you have become a superficial bitch that doesn't even have any real friends!" Her hands were around my throat and I elbowed her in the ribs. She cried in pain as I took a couple of steps back. We were both catching our breaths and I couldn't quite believe what was happening. "You are not the same person anymore Riley..." My words hurt her, I knew it, but they would always hurt less than her previous actions. She yelled as she ran towards me, pining me to the floor. I kept trying to kick her away but she always came back like a God damn demon that just wouldn't die. She kept punching me as I pulled her awful hair.

I was this close to biting her when a teacher and the principal came rushing through the students and pulled us apart. When the principal pulled me away, towards her office, I saw the fear and the tears in Lilly's eyes behind her glasses. She was scared. I was too. But I couldn't help myself. I had no idea what had come through me, but I had to admit, punching Riley was probably the best thing I had ever done in my life!

She pushed the other students following the principal and I into the office. "Sorry miss Taylor but I need to speak to miss Swift alone before calling her parents." I wiped some of the blood of my face as Lilly took my hand. "I'm not going anywhere." Miss Horan rolled her eyes before getting us both to sit down at her desk. She looked pissed, to say the least and I was very, very nervous about what was going to happen. I'm gonna die aren't I?

Miss Horan spent at least fifteen minutes lecturing us before I even got to say my piece. I was enraged at Riley, and I knew Lilly understood, but when the receptionist came in to tell us my parents were here, the anger left and fear took its place. Paralyzing fear. I took her soft hand in nervousness because I knew that to explain, I had to come out. And that was the most terrifying thing in the whole fucking world tight now.

"What the hell Taylor!?" Lilly had left, by my parent's request, so I was alone, facing them. I wanted to cry and I started shaking as my mother continued yelling. "Bree, calm down..." She clenched her mouth as my father looked at me, with disappointment in his eyes. I wiped my bloody nose and sniffled, regretting it as soon as the pain made me wince. "Taylor, tell us exactly what happened."

I have to tell them now. I know I do. I want to, but I am so scared. What if they don't love me anymore? What if they abandon me like Sam...

I was terrified, completely frozen as my mother waited for any kind of answer, blood boiling and my father just stated at me, as calm as ever. I was shaking and could barely think straight. Lilly would've made fun of me for that. She probably would've said something like: Of course you can't think straight, you're queer! I took a deep breath and looked up at them, hoping they would let me finish talking before yelling again. I pushed my blood stained hair away from my face as my lips trembled. You can do this. You. Can. Do. This.
Fuck, no I can't! I'm gonna die!

I opened my dry mouth and took another deep breath. "I have something to tell you..." I felt like throwing up, nervousness settling in the pit of my stomach, making my heart beat faster. My mind was running wild, debating with itsel on how to say such simple yet life changing words.

"I-I am pansexual. And I am in love with Lilly. And no matter what, I am still your daughter, I am still the same person. I am still the baby you held in your arms, I am still the little girl you played with and I am still the teenager you taught how to drive. And I hope you'll accept me, and love me for who I am, because I am not changing. This is not a phase, and I love you too much to be abandoned. Forgotten. Exiled." My heartvwas beating too fast, my hands were shaking and I realized I was crying when they just looked at me in utter shock. OK... Maybe I should've just shut my fucking mouth...