PSYCHO

CHAPTER FOUR

        
          When I was a little kid, I used to hear stories of people who go from rags to riches. I used to think of that as nothing less than a fairy tale, I had strong assumptions that fairy tales and dreams never came true, mostly because of that incident that had caused my life, family and dreams to shatter but life has taught me otherwise. Through the journey of my life I've come to terms with the fact that we can't always get what we want and that doesn't mean we should keep on complaining about it, life goes on and so should we.
        I know sometimes it's hard, but we've got to move on. Sometimes we feel like we should give up when things are not going our way, and sometimes we may feel insecure and at times we get anxious, we might even feel like we might be losing our minds feeling nothing less than Psycho.
       But we must just keep moving forward, no turning backwards, just keep moving straight ready to face whatever lies ahead.

       We humans are built in such a way that we're always needing and asking for more and in a way that's hard to satisfy.
      "What more could I ask for when I've gotten everything I wanted? What more do I need when my lord has granted me my heart's most wanted desires? And what more can I get after all the things I am blessed with?" Sometimes I sit down and think about all this, I know that my wishes have been granted yet sometimes I can't help but feel unfulfilled, and that's the human in me. The heart is always asking for more and is not easily satisfied, this is why I am in constant gratitude to the One Who has provided me with my deepest desires.

      I sometimes look out the window at night or day and watch as the morning light shines above in the sky brightening the earth. I'd often look into the above while the cool chilly plateau breeze blows around in the atmospheric field and I breathe it in, in such satisfaction that it gives chills to my body. I also sometimes love to sit outside or in a garden precisely watching nature while adoring Allah's marvelous creations. I usually look at how the trees sway alongside the wind all in praising Him alone and how the birds fly flapping their wings around so easily without stress. And sometimes I just sit there watching the insects, plants, birds, animals and how the ants match in search of food or how the snail is hidden In its shell and uses it for shelter and protection.

       I always try to say Alhamdulillah and thank the lord for his spontaneous creations 'cuz what's not to adore in the beauty of His creations. The land, flowers, seeds, trees, water, oceans, deserts, animals, birds and so many other amazing wonders of nature.
    These are the things that keep me going when bad things happen.  I always try to remember all the good things about life, just like when the incident that drastically yet so effortlessly changed my life, maybe for the better. I remember I'd always lock myself up in my room and cry for ages and I would sit down next to the window and when I look at the sky, the streets, the night light and sky, I remember what keeps me going on when things feel out of control, what motivates me to live on and I'd then clean up my tears and just move on with life. After all it's not life when it's not Psycho.

    It's been many years since the incident but yet the wounds still feel fresh as ever, like the excruciating pain of a blade being pushed in and out of your skull crushing you in different ways. Like a very pellucid image, I can still remember the vivid memory like it was pre-recorded and damped into my skull pushing through into my brain, crashing against my brain cells forcing its way into my mind causing the memory never to fade away. I can still remember it like a painted picture clear and transparent enough for me to understand. It's like something that's carved deep inside of me. Like the mark of a burn from a blazing fire that is crushed deep down into your skin. Or like a permanent memory carved and drilled into the brain in order not to forget.

    It'll always be close to me but I've learnt the hard way from life not to let the memories or pain control me but the other way round. I've learnt that the pain does not destroy but it is the strength we need that helps to assist in moving forward.
   I remember so dearly what my mother had told me about pain. She said "It is the pain we endure in life that increases our faith, making it stronger and stronger." She added; "My dear, do not let the pain consume you completely that it takes you away from reality, but instead let it be the reason you become better. Let the pain; which is a test of faith, help to strengthen and make you a better person."
    At first when I was told this I didn't understand, I wasn't mentally mature enough or not yet capable of apprehending the wisdom behind her words. At that time I was too young and too naive to comprehend but now all grown up looking back I realize that her words came true.
     "You might not understand now, but soon enough you will, and I hope you make use of it properly."
     Now I fully understand what she meant and I'm trying to make use of it accurately and reasonably because now I know that it is the best advice I've ever received.
        My mom was one who loved to talk and give advice, she usually always made sense and was the best at helping her children and family as a whole in solving problems. She was and is still adored by many and was very fun to be around. Whenever someone would hurt me or my brother she'd always be there to protect and console us. She was a very unique and special person who always made people around her happy whenever she was with them. She was my closest friend and I would tell her everything.  Though she was very good at hiding her own problems from the world, the best at it. But she always took it upon herself to take care of others.