Watch Me Drown

12. Fight it

TW: throwing up

(Abby's point of view)

I was fighting it. I was fighting giving in and leaving. I had a bad headache that was slowly but surely turning into a migraine. My feet and legs ached. I sat down after "Long Live" and stayed sitting all through the next two eras. Towards the end of the "folklore" set, it all kind of became too much. The migraine was setting in, and the noise and flashing lights were suddenly painful. I looked around me. The only people there were Katie and Jo. Where was Julien?

"Abby?" Jo said. "Are you alright? You don't look too good..."

"Do you know where Julien went?" I asked.

"Um, no..." Jo looked worried. "I'll help you find her."

She said something to Katie, then placed a hand on my shoulder and we started searching. All the people and faces were somewhat blurred. My breathing was unsteady, my whole body shaking. My heart was racing. My chest felt tight.

I was having a panic attack.

I tried to take some deep breaths, but I couldn't seem to get one in. I could barely move. Thankfully, Julien was nearby. We saw her first.

"Hey! Julien!" Jo yelled.

Julien turned around, and the second our eyes met, her eyebrows pulled together. She could already tell something was wrong.

"Hey," She said. "What's going on?"

"She needed help finding you." Jo said, then glanced between us. "I'll leave you to it!"

"Abby, breathe." Julien said when Jo was gone. She put her hands on my arms, right below my shoulders. "This is a very overwhelming setting, I get it. You're doing so good right now, baby."

She always helped validate my feelings in a moment of anxiety. If she didn't I would spiral, thinking about how stupid my reaction was. 

"Are you okay?" Julien asked.

"I know you said...that if I start to..start to not feel great..." I said in between inhales.

I couldn't for the life of me get a full sentence out when I was having a panic attack. My brain got all fast with panic, but slow with delivering words. Julien knew this. If she didn't know what I was trying to say she would wait for me to spit it out, very patiently, might I add. If she had an idea of what I was saying she would wait for one of my pauses and ask. Sometimes she just knew. Then, at the concert, she knew what I was talking about.

"What's wrong?" She asked, one hand now holding mine, the other cupping my cheek.

"Headache." I mumbled.

The crowd erupted in screams, and I winced, pressing one of my shaking hands against my forehead. Julien dug around in her pockets. She handed me earplugs, which I gratefully accepted.

"We can go," She said as she steered me out of the tent. "It's alright. Remember to breathe."

"Should we...say bye?" I said.

"I'm more focused on getting you out of here right now," She explained. "I'll text them. They'll understand."

Getting out of the stadium was surprisingly easy. One security guard showed us the way. He didn't say anything until "have a nice night" before me and Julien went to our car. We climbed in, me in the passenger seat, Julien driving, and I took my earplugs out. I could still hear the music. I put my head in my hands, from the pain, and the disappointment.

"Hey," Julien put a hand on my back. "Feel any better without all the noise?"

I shook my head. "I have a migraine."

"Oh."

We both sort of knew knew what this would lead to; the car would make me nauseous, and eventually I would get sick. I had gotten very few migraines in the span of our relationship, but when I did, they were bad. It was going to be a long night.

"I didn't even make it to surprise songs." I sighed, lifting my head and leaning back in my seat.

"I know," Julien said softly. "But I don't think that would've gone well."

I nodded.

We buckled our seatbelts, and left the parking garage. Julien left the radio off for my head, so it was a very quiet car ride, except for the music from the stadium still in ear shot.

When we got to the hotel, I was indeed nauseated. I was up until one AM, sick. I told Julien to go to bed. I didn't want to keep her up. But when I eventually stumbled into the room, she was up, sitting in bed, reading. I climbed into the bed, then into her arms.

"I'm proud of you." Julien whispered.

"How come?" I whispered back.

"You did really well tonight," She explained. "You interacted with fans when they wanted to give you bracelets, not knowing if it was safe or not. You hung out with Jo, Katie, and Naomi, even though I know it's hard for you with new people. And you were yourself with them, no hesitation! You sang and danced with them. Hell, you let Katie see you directly after you were crying! Speaking of that, you handled 'marjorie' like a champ. You didn't try to hide your emotions. You just let them happen. Does that mean getting pink gemstones on my shirt? Yes. Do I care? No! And before we left, you told me what was wrong. I know that that's also hard for you to do. I'm just really proud." 

I had tears in my eyes. A few slipped out. I held Julien tighter, and told her that I loved her. What could possibly beat her speech? I fell asleep somewhat quickly, thanks to her soft singing.

***

When I woke up, it was slow. My dreams faded, not good ones, not bad ones, and I couldn't reach them. It took me a minute to figure out where I was, and why I was there. I smiled a bit when I remembered the concert. I had finally seen Taylor Swift. My inner child was screeching with joy.

My migraine was gone, but it was replaced by a regular headache. The nausea was mostly gone. My feet and legs, however, were killing me. It hurt to move. And I was a bit shaky.

I really couldn't tell what time it was. The room was dark, the curtains still closed. The bathroom light was on, though. And Julien wasn't in bed. There was some light peeking out from the edges of the curtains.

"Julien?" I said as I slowly sat up, wincing.

"I'm here." She appeared from the bathroom, then sat on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Hungover, without the drinking part." I rubbed my eyes. Sitting up had made me dizzy. "What time is it?"

She looked at her phone. "Around ten thirty."

"Ten thirty?!" I exclaimed.

"You were really tired," Julien explained. "You needed to rest."

I crawled across the bed, sat beside her, and hugged her tight. She put her arm around my shoulder and placed her chin on top of my head. We sat there for a while, until Julien spoke.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" She said, unwinding our bodies.

She opened one of the curtains, which made me grimace and look away. She grabbed something from the desk, then stood right in front of me, her hands presenting a...ziplock bag? I took it from her. I gasped when I realized. A ziplock bag full of confetti from the end of the concert.

"How did you get this?!" I asked.

"It wasn't me." She said. "It was all Naomi. They stopped by around nine to drop this off for you. They also brought all your bracelets. We forgot to grab them."

After we were all packed and got in the car, I texted Naomi a big thank you, then we started our trip back home. I was driving.

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I didn't know how to end this lol

I am on a roll with these updates right now!!!