It's Complicated: A Zombie Romance Novel

The House

I suddenly had to pee. Really, really badly!

"I never should have bought that extra-large bubble tea," I lamented to the air.

"What?" Lee Ann yelled into my ear. The outboard motor propelling our boat was loud for all it was small.

"Nothing," I said back. I wasn't about to tell her I had to pee in front of Death himself. The geeks that were throwing this shindig had gone all out making the boat man creepy as death.

All my life I'd lived here in Seattle, and I'd never gotten to see the sun set on the water quite like this. The view took my breath away, watching it melt into the icy stillness of the lake. The sun's last rays descended into the watery depths, painting the water blood red.

"Isn't this breathtaking," I said. This time the boat motor didn't cover up my words.

"Yeah," yelled Lee Ann. We both gazed longingly at the tail of the sunset.

"Such a waste of so much beauty," I said. Reds and yellows blending with blues and greens to produce pinks and purples swirling and swallowing each other up across the sky. How lucky God was to get to see all of this. The spray of the water chilled my arms as the sun made its final dive into the lake. I rubbed my hands together to get warm. I wished I'd brought a coat. Summer in Seattle remained in the high sixties. Without the sun it got cold out here on the water. As far as I was concerned we couldn't get to land fast enough, even if we were headed to a party.

"Are we there yet?" Lee Ann asked.

"No," I complained right along with her.

Blinded by the sudden darkness, I barely detected the empty space. There was a dock with a few other boats and a house like I'd never seen before.

"Are we here?" Lee Ann asked as we were pulling up to the dock. This would have been an excellent moment for our driver to say something, anything. He didn't. Impatient as always, Lee Ann just got out when the driver cut the engine.

"You coming?" she asked, offering me a hand. I nodded and stepped from the boat.

"Whoever's in charge of this party succeeded in spooking me," I told the trees. "This is like a B-rated horror movie."

"Get a load of that," Lee Ann said, pointing down the path in front of us. I stopped dead in my tracks.

To say the house wasn't cool, well, would be an outright lie. There was no way for it to be any cooler unless I owned it. It was one of the largest mansions I had ever seen in my life. Plus, the whole 'traveled here by spooky boat ride' added to the mystique. I mean it was Cinderella's castle meets post-World War I architecture in the flesh. It took my breath away.

The whole structure appeared out of the woods in old grand house style from the nineteen twenties. Like Gatsby should be walking out to greet us with a smirk, straight out of the book. If it wasn't for the rundown features, graffiti, and overgrown foliage helping it blend into the surrounding tree line, people might suspect somebody lived there. In fact, someone might. Judging by the graffiti, though, I thought not. We walked up the path towards the main entrance.

"WOW!" Lee Ann said. "This place rocks." She hit me on the arm to get me out of my daze.

"Yeah, if only Tommy was alive to see this," I said, nursing my slightly sore shoulder. "Total dream, if you're into horror shows." I wasn't going to admit how much I loved the place. Even in this rundown state of overgrown vines it had magnificence about it.

"Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, I wish you'd just shut up about him sometimes. He wasn't even your friend," Lee Ann said, opening the main doors. They'd been unlocked or broken long before we'd shown up. Her words stung. I shut my mouth and followed her in.

"The party's already stated," she said. I'd have been more reluctant, but Lee Ann had grabbed my arm and pulled me along whether I wanted to go or not.

The main double doors opened into a small glass foyer. The opulence of the beveled thirteen-foot glass windows separating the foyer and the main hall was dimmed by crushed beer cans, plastic cups in the tell-tale red, and long-dead leaves. There was only part of the brass monogram visible under the dust and debris. The rounded curve could have been a part of almost any letter in the alphabet. It was impossible to tell which one.

The leaves and random debris from past parties continued into the main entryway. There were even spots of up-chuck from past unhappy guests. Everything was so dried on and mixed in with everything else it was impossible to tell for sure. The place had a musty odor much the same as a guy's locker room. Not pleasant, but not moldy like I expected, either. There was no other good way of describing it.

A line had formed at the door. A scary looking black man acted as a bouncer behind a red rope. What I failed to see as we'd approached was that the doors glowed. Faint pink, then purple, followed by blue then green.

The light illuminated Lee Ann's zombie face. I wonder what was on her mind? It couldn't be the same thing I was thinking, that we needed to get out of here before this place came alive. Her emotions were made harder to read by the zombie makeup.

Slowly the door swung inward with a long creaking noise. A bright neon light filled the hall, illuminating the overly polished dark hardwood floors in all their gleaming brilliance. I was glad the light stopped a couple of feet in. I didn't want to discover what hid along the edges of the hall, just waiting to be exposed.

As we took our places in line the urge to pee overcame me. I was going to lose it soon. Regardless of the people impatiently waiting in front of me, judging by the growls and rude gestures I'd received as I traveled to the front of the line.

The bouncer appeared normal enough. More like an employee than a guest. So I took a chance and leaned over the rope to ask him. I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach his ear.

"Where's the bathroom?" I asked.