Being 16 (17*)(18**) is so much fun 🥱🙄

a year of my life

I made this thing almost a year ago. I've changed and so have many things around me in my life. I feel more confident and comfortable in myself. I've made friends, I've lost friends but more importantly, I feel as though I have found myself.
I know what college I'm going to and I'm so extremely excited for my course. I've gotten closer with two of my friends and I finally feel secure in the friendships. Things were going so well this summer.

I went on my annual trip to an island in my home country and spent a week enjoying the beach and collecting rocks for my collection. I did puzzles, painted, designed new projects, found new music, danced, ran through the park at 10pm, past my curfew. Everything was and sort of is, going great.

I talked with Lucy and the two other friends after she sent crappy 'im sorry' texts. It was a useless conversation where she played victim for everything and blamed us for making her feel left out. That was a week ago. She hasn't text me since but has text the other two. Usually, I would throw this friend out the window by now and move on. I've done it before but Lucy is hard. I've got a YEAR left of school with her and classes. She's in my friendgroup and is obsessed with staying close friends with my friends. We have a week trip next Thursday and I can't wait for her to make some nasty comment so I can tell her to go suck one.

I'm moving on from her. I can't wait for little girls to grow up and mature. She clearly doesn't have anything in common with the friendgroup and is holding onto her good ol' safety net that she has known for the last 10 years. She won't let us move on and be adults. She constantly wants to change who we are and cares too much about how people our age perceive her. I'll be her mutual. I'll be kind and civil but I'm not letting her ruin my life much longer.

I'm 18 in a little while and things will not change too much from now. I'll still be me, maybe I'll think I'm wiser or older but I'll still be me.

Things and people don't change like the wind does. I sometimes wish they did but that would be impossible. I've learnt that life is scary but that's the whole point. Nobody really knows how to do this thing right and I get to decide how I do shit.

18 always seemed so far away but now it's here. I hope things only go up from the moment I turn that adult age. Maybe I'll learn to dance or fly or drink or drive or smoke or get a million tattoos. The main thing I want in life is to be content. Whether it's content with my sadness or anger or happiness or love. I want to feel emotions in time and be a human.