After Midnight (a.i.)

36

Class was mind-numbing this morning. Sat in that room for almost two hours with nothing but clicking pens and obnoxious page flipping, I was about ready to scream out for silence. My mind was reeling from the last weekend to begin with, the last thing I needed was this.  Luckily, it was my only class of the day since we had a pressing exam, and once you were finished you could leave. I was tempted to just scribble down chicken scratch and be done with it in fifteen minutes.

I finished in less than an hour, though. Even after the repetitive introduction by the professor and quick reminder lesson he insisted we needed that took up the largest chunk of time, I was out before lunch. Unfortunately, Alex and Jess were both stuck in classes for the remainder of the day. My giddy mood of celebration was ruined by their apology messages that they wouldn't be able to bask in the glory in honor of the shit show of an exam I totally aced. But after a couple minutes of pacing around my dorm, I realized there wasn't anyone else I'd rather celebrate with than the man whose shirt was still draped across the back of my desk chair.

He has to be home, right? He's always home.

My gleeful thoughts carried me to my car as I sped through town, feeling the smile widen on my face with each mile that passed down the familiar route. It was oddly hot today, the sun blared down without a blink all morning and by mid afternoon as I drove down the street, blurry waves of heat wavered from the roads. I pity the amount of flimsy flip flops that are probably melting to the sidewalks.

My mind wandered throughout the duration of the drive, my rear view mirror sending back reflections of my interchanging expressions with each thought that passed. The thoughts were positive at the beginning, memories of dancing under the vibrant lights and spilt drinks with my closest friends from the past weekend. Vivid details of us all standing in the kitchen, the fluttering in my chest from Ashton's hand firmly holding me close to him for anyone to see, tangled with each other in the hallway under the dim lights as I breathed out his name, cuddled in his bedsheets while his muscular arms and oversized shirt I wore swallowed me into an embrace of solace. Those arms that held me out of comfort when he was the one that needed it the most.

I wanted to apologize for prying, for my intrusive questions that I could tell were difficult for him to answer. His heartbeat increased with every word he spoke. I felt an angered sorrow with his answers, even more that he definitely hasn't spoken about any of it and kept it all bottled up. He didn't pull me out of the dark completely, with his vaguely short replies to each question, but the hint of dismay that tainted the normally vibrant hazel in his eyes told me he barely even scraped the surface.

I knew he had a rough childhood; Michael told me that once, but he spared the details as they weren't his to tell. Michael hinted that he was one of the very few that Ashton actually told, and he doesn't even know the whole story. I understood that. Ashton is definitely not an open book and with something as deep as this must be, I'll be sure he'll be the one to tell me on his own terms if he chooses to.

Besides, I've still got my own skeletons I keep hidden.

Humidity floods my car as I drove with the window cracked, trying to suck down the rest of my cigarette to tame the nerves without exposing myself to too much of the thick heat from the outside. We haven't spoken much this week since the party, aside from a few snarky texts and teasing pictures. He did tell me that he was at work on Monday when I asked him about his day, which confirmed that he does in fact have a job and doesn't sit in the house all day like I kind of assumed. Ironic that this man has been buried between my legs almost too many times to count and I don't even know what the fuck he does all day.

I could feel my back stick with an anxious sweat as my mind continues to feel. My air conditioning was working overtime, I wanted to bask in the artificial cool as long as I could and fucking relax.