24- wish you were sober

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juliette 

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juliette 

present; narrative + instagram 

October 20th. A day that had a heart next to it on my calendar. It was Paige's 21st birthday. Another day that I was hoping to spend by her side. I knew I would see her today, all the girls were going out but it wasn't the same as spending her special day together.

Since that day I never saw Ms.Cheerful again. I later learned her name was Kate but that ain't relevant. She never came to any practices with Paige and even when they crossed paths Paige didn't even glance at her. Kate gave her a hopeful and hurt look but never got anything in return. I partially felt like I had something to do with it but Paige didn't come talk to me either so maybe they just didn't work.

For what felt like the first time in forever Rose was coming out with me. Paige had invited all the girls months ago and even though she didn't know Rose well she knew it would make me happy. I wasn't even sure if our invitations still stood after the breakup but Azzi assured me Paige wanted us there.

The real problem came with what do you get your ex for her birthday. When we were together I had lists of what I wanted to get her but now that we weren't none of my gifts were a good idea. I struggled to even come up with ideas but Paige wasn't fond of gifts and made everyone promise not to get her anything. Obviously most of us weren't gonna listen but I still struggled until I found the Kobe's she'd been wanting for months and bought them. It seemed like an appropriate gift.

"Jules, if you change one more time you're going naked." Rose fell back on my bed, waiting for me to finally settle on one outfit so we could leave. I know being late to someone else's birthday isn't a good look but my palms were sweating just trying to get changed. Even when I was around Paige all the time I was still nervous. I still tried to look my best and now I had changed dresses four times but couldn't settle on one.

"None of them are good enough." I screamed from my closest, changing into my last option before I went in my pyjamas.

I walked out of the closest, doing a little spin in the mirror. It actually wasn't bad.

"Ok, perfect, let's go." Rose grabbed my hand, dragging me out of the room before I could decide I hated it and changed again. With her other hand she grabbed the wrapped shoebox for Paige and made a beeline to the car.

The drive to the restaurant was upbeat, mostly just Rose blasting the music so I couldn't panic and back out. All the windows were down and the cool air blasting in my face made me feel a bit better.

Honestly I was shocked we were going to a nice restaurant. It was probably Azzi's idea because knowing Paige she could have her 21st at Chick-Fil-A and be happy. I'm glad she was doing something special though, she deserved to feel special.

When we parked in front of the restaurant the other girls were standing outside waiting for us. Rose rushed out, jumping on Azzi after not seeing her for a while. Rose had been so busy with work, school and her plants that she almost never saw the girls anymore. I trailed behind her, walking at a normal speed and hugging all the girls, Paige being last. She saw the box in my hands and gave me a look.

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