Resistance To Assistance

Like A Hangover But Less Fun

I woke with a thumping headache, immediately rolling onto my stomach and hiding my head in the pillow I was holding in my tight grip. I couldn't remember much past leaving the hospital, but if my head was any indication, I had either gone drinking or my concussion had been a lot worse than I'd thought. I could hear other people in the room, Herrmann and Mouch quietly conversed with each other about who had arrived and who was yet to. I knew that I'd have to get up soon, and that only served to make the pain in my head worse. I groaned and tried to roll my head on my neck to see if that would help, but instead, it pulled on my damaged shoulder, and I could feel my broken wrist beginning to bleed pain up my arm.

"Damn!" I rolled onto my back again, my hands slammed down on the bedspread to show my frustration but I was unable to curb the resulting pain and let out a louder cry of pain which caused both firemen to jolt with shock before they rushed over to me.

"Jay, Jay, it's okay," Herrmann sat on the bed at my hip and took my broken wrist in hand, he attempted to feel through the brace whether or not I had rebroken the bone and ignored me when I told him that I hadn't. Mouch sat on my opposite side his hadn't smoothed my hair back from my face as he looked down on me softly.

"Trudy's making waffles for breakfast, squirt. She's making yours extra big." He winked at me, softly caressing my cheek. He made sure to avoid my stitches.

"Jesus Christ!" I lifted my left hand to smack myself in the forehead with it. "You guys are gonna smother me to death!"

"Just wait," Herrmann looked up from my wrist, which he seemed to have determined to be fine. "You should worry about the things that are being discussed downstairs." My stomach dropped.

"Who else is here?" I asked, not bothering to hide the shake in my voice.

"We've got a collection between the departments, kid," Herrmann glanced at Mouch, who had not ceased his gentle, calming touches on my face. "Ruzek and Burgess, Atwater, obviously, he's boiling mad by the way, Voight, Platt, Antonio, and Alvin couldn't make it because they're running up a lead or something like that. It's a work thing, anyway," he shrugged. "Otis and Cruz are here, Severide was the first to arrive, and Casey will be here soon." His head tilted as he tried to remember everyone who was downstairs even though he had already ruined my morning with the aforementioned collection of people. "Maggie's here, Will's here, and Connor and Choi were here, but they left to pick up some supplies to deal with you. They'll be back soon."

"No, no, no," I felt the air leave my lungs when Choi and Connor were mentioned. "Don't let them come back," I reached for Herrmann, my vision tunnelled. Both my hands took a tight grip on his shirt collar, and I pulled him towards me. "They did this to me. They did this," I told him, my eyes locked to his as I tried to force him to believe me. "They drugged me, I can't go back. I won't go back." In my panic, I released him, pushing my aching body to sit up and slide off the bed.

"Jay?" I couldn't tell who was speaking to me. I didn't care. My mind was on a single track road, and it led me on wobbly legs down the stairs and into the living area. It was full of people but I couldn't tell who they were, I couldn't tell if they were speaking to me, I didn't know a thing. I fell twice, both times I screamed when anyone touched me to try to assist me back to my feet, finally I made it through and into the kitchen. There was only one person in the kitchen and the moment they saw me they started to advance but it was too late. I gripped the handle of one of the knives in the knife block, and I pulled it up to my throat with a tearful, mirthless laugh. "Jay!"

"I'm not going back, not going back. They can't have me. I don't wanna be drugged anymore." A hand landed on my arm, and I spun around, my vision settled on nothing, and I couldn't find any people in the direction from which I thought that I'd been touched. I reached out with my free hand and slowly moved it around at my waist level, all the way around me to make sure that no one would come too close. "I'm not going back. I won't. Don't make me."