Shot of Espresso [slow updates]

seize- hometown

My Uncle Raymond was well-liked in my town. He was a hard worker who helped his friends out when he came up. Many people are at his funeral, even the Kims. When Mi-Sun and her kids came to the U.S., my uncle offered her a job and a place to stay until she got back on her feet.  He truly had a big heart. 

I can't believe I have to live in a world without him. I let my tears slip down my face and kept my focus on the descending casket, despite the unrelenting feeling of a pair of eyes on me. Tyler and Kayla both came to the funeral, together. They have a lot of nerve showing up to my uncle's funeral after they did me dirty.  I try to ignore their stares and focus on mourning my uncle. My aunt is by my side trying to seem strong, but I know how much this pains her. She's been with him longer than she's been without him. How do I console her when they made plans to grow old and die together? The grief makes my body feel empty, numb. I grab her hand and let her squeeze it until I can feel again.

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I walk around the room, greeting guests and cleaning the empty plates that lingered on the tables. Since I left France, everyone has been texting me to make sure I'm okay. I know they have good intentions but I can't be bothered to reply. "Mora," a soft voice calls. It's a voice that I haven't heard in a long time. A voice that gave me comfort during a dark time. A voice which resembled a woman I regarded as a second mother for so long.

I turn and am met with the dark brown eyes of Mama Kim. I don't even know if I should hug her or run away from her. I'm not given a chance to choose before her arms wrap around me. "I'm so sorry dear." Warm tears flow down my cheeks as I hug her back. It's been so long since I've seen her and I've missed her so much. "Come," she says as she leads me to a quiet room hidden from curious eyes. "I'm so sorry. Your uncle was a great man. He will be missed so much," she tells me. Things I've heard from about twenty people already, but I know that it's sincere coming from her lips.

"How have you been? I heard that you went to France to study abroad," she asks. Although I broke up with Tyler a couple of months ago, I haven't talked to Mama Kim in a year. She's been abroad for a while. First, she went to South Korea to visit her youngest sister who got married. Then, she took a trip with her boyfriend. They island-hopped the Hawaiian islands and had a great time. She arrived back in Atlanta a week after I left for France. 

"It's so much fun. My studies are going well and I've made a couple of friends, too. I got a job at this high-end modeling agency called Merin," I say. "I met this amazing guy there. He's so sweet and caring, but I feel like it's too soon to make things official."

"Kimora, you need to stop denying yourself happiness. You're young. If you like him and he likes you, I don't see why you two can't make it official," Mama Kim says. I nod in agreement. Honestly, Jacques is an amazing guy and I really like him. I think I should try out this boyfriend-girlfriend thing with him.

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After talking for hours, we decide to part ways but not before Mama Kim reminds me to reach out often. My body is worn out, I decide to respond to the texts I've received and facetime Jacques.

rrring...rring

"Hey, Kimora. How are you? I didn't mean to blow up your phone, but I've been so worried."

"I'm.. feeling a bit better. Still sad, but I know my Uncle's in a better place. I'm grateful that you cared about me enough to check up."

"Yeah, it's no problem at all."

"So how are things going?"

Jacques talks to me about what everyone has been doing. My mind drifts off to the assignments I have piling up each day I decide to rot in bed. I can't help but feel a little numb. Hollow. My uncle was my world and now that he's gone, I don't feel like myself. It's like I'm outside of my body watching a shell of myself assume my place in the world. When the memories of him fill my mind, I can't help but to be overwhelmed with grief. I can feel my throat close as the first, the second tear drops.