NOT OKAY | LE SSERAFIM 7th member

XX

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HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! I didn't notice this story was a year old now, but looking back I realize how I update really slow and often, now I feel bad😞

But anyways enjoy this chapter and I promise to make it up by publishing another story for Chaewon's birthday tomorrow, so stay tune later on😘😘

And oh please listen to 'Sign of the Times' by Harry Styles while reading this UNTIL THE END of the chap, I wrote this while listening to it so I think you would get the best experience if you did, byeee

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Y/N'S POV

I let a big and heavy sigh as I watch the paper infront of me, it was the documents terminating the contract I have with HYBE Entertainment

It's all infront of my eyes, that this is about leaving the group and all I have to do is to put my signature agreeing to all whats in the paper

But as I look deeply I can't help but feel the hesitation building up inside me, I won't deny I don't want to leave the group, but it was the best option we have

I just can't help but think that signing this paper would means I have to move out of the dorm completely and I wouldn't be with my members anymore

And I don't want that...

"Y/n are you okay?" I was startled when my Boss suddenly asked me, as I was about to nod for a response, the door suddenly opened revealing my members....

As I looked at them I can't help but notice those obviously exhausted eyes, they look like they've been crying for hours, and of course I'm not that dumb, I know what's the reason and it's my fault

It's all my fault....

I feel bad.. really bad...

I averted my eyes to the man infront of me and look at him in the eyes

"Whats this?!?" I whispered angrily, I already told him I want to sign the papers discreetly, I don't want them watching me sign this stupid papers

"Y/n I know you don't want them to know but they have to, they have the right, they are your members, and I thought I could change your--"

"You wouldn't change my mind, I already made a decision, look it's all infront of me" I cutted him, whispering gritting my teeth, he didn't respond and just look down

And as I did the same, the paper I didn't know I would sign in my life was there lying..

I grabbed a pen and looked behind my back to see them looking me with those eyes, I can't pinpoint what it is but there's something in it, it's like pleading for something

Those blood shot eyes that was cause from all the crying was looking at me trying to stop me from doing something

And for a moment I felt my heart stop for a bit, I don't want to leave them, I want to be with them forever, do all the things we haven't done on our lives, and living the best of our lives together

I want it like that

But I can't be a fool, I must not

The damage has been already done

And all I need is to patch it up

I need to do this

Cus if don't

I would be late and would regret not doing it

It's for all of us

Even if it means destroying my own career...

Tho it already has been

I have nothing to lose already...

Closing my eyes to stop the thoughts lingering, trying to mess with my already hesitated mind, I opened them once again before bringing my eyes back to the paper

I took a deep breath before simply putting my signature

It's over....

I am no longer part of the group

The group I cherish the most

The group I love the most

The group I shared with my other six members

The group I treated as my own family

Was gone...

All gone...

After the meeting with Sajang-nim I went straight back to my condo and cry myself out, it was hard for me to make such decision but I just couldn't stand and watch my members career fall down in front of my eyes

Even after all the fightings, misunderstanding and bickering we did for the past years of living together, I still love them with all my heart, I could never hate them

But could they?

Questions filled my mind the whole day like

Did I do the right thing?

Do they still hate me about what happened in the dorm?

Would I get the peace I was dying to have before that stupid shit came out?

Would my members still care about me?

I sobbed in the middle of the night in my balcony, watching as the stars twinkle

I wish I was happy and would twinkle like them, all I want is to be happy but why can't I seems to have it?

Tears started to fill and fall from my eyes mirroring the dark sky, I quickly wiped it with my hand and took a big sip from the beer I have in my hand, gulping it hard to push the big lump on my throat, wishing to stop the curling feeling I have on my stomach because of too much crying

I stood there with heavy tears cascading down my cheeks

Wind hitting against my face trying to dry the tears I was letting out but I guess the wasn't enough because the longer I stayed there bare foot, my eyes let even more tears trying to ease the pain my heart was suffering

It hurts...

.... so much