All the World (Hand in Hand Chronicles)

Chapter 15: "Villain, 'tis thou that robb'st me of my lord"

I become a father in the small hours of the morning. Alice goes into labor late one night, and we all wait up for word. Maggie falls asleep half on my lap on a sofa, as we two were not allowed in the birthing room. Aimee is, as are of course all the midwives and the ladies that work here, our staff and the like.
We aren't waiting long. Alice's labor is short and relatively easy. I'm admitted rather quickly at her insistence. I've been sweating the entire time and look actually worse I think than Alice does. She's fairly glowing, sweaty and tired but blessedly healthy. And in her arms she holds our chubby pink offspring. A perfect angel with a dusting of red hair.
"Your daughter," Alice says, shifting so I can see the infant, now contentedly asleep her face tipped to her mother's chest.
"She's beautiful," I say, laying a hand very gently on the bundle, "She's perfect she—thank you." I nearly laugh at my stumbling.
"She is lovely," Alice says, kissing her forehead.
"Got another Gaveston in the world. I'm so sorry," I say, quietly.
My name is nothing good to bestow upon her. But I'm filled with stubborn pride. This is my daughter. She will have my name.
Aimee delivered her apparently, so we call her that. Aimee Gaveston, again. But this little one we call nothing but Flower. I call her my pretty flower once and then it sticks. Maggie is delighted with her, I suppose step daughter, and vows to look after her.
I'm weirdly content. And even more confrontational. I have a family. A life. Just like all of them. A daughter to protect now. And I'll be damned if she is ashamed to bear my name.
Edward returns on the 7th of February with his bride. I have little time for domesticity. We are to meet them at Dover.
That is to say, I'm to convey most of Edward's family there. Maggie comes with me, for moral support, yes my moral support is now a thirteen year old and Richmond. Edward's younger half brothers,Thomas and Edmund, Edward's sisters, and many of the earls are there. Lancaster is there but he brings his younger brother. The brothers don't fully get on so that's fun. The younger one, Henry, isn't nice but he and I hate each other in a generally friendly way. In a, we'd sooner joust this out sort of way.  We insult each other, but we're enjoying it; we both want to do this. Edward doesn't understand this relationship but we do.
As an example of how we actually get on, when Henry Lancaster sees me he says, "I hear you have a daughter now, Gaveston."
"Yes, not four weeks old," I say.
"So smarter than you already?" He asks, pleasantly.
"Most definitely," I say, completely pleasantly "And you as well."
"I'll say a prayer it looks nothing like you."
"Red hair like you, I wept."
That's about all we have time for before other people that truly wish to bully me close in. I walk away. Henry Lancaster nods a little, some small recognition. He's a snake like his brother, with an oddly crooked neck. They call him Wyneck for it, but I don't so I think that's why he doesn't mind me. He doesn't hate me for being the king's lover, I don't hate him for his looks, we choose to hate one another's personalities for sport.
Maggie is in a nice dress that matches my tunic because two weeks ago I felt paternal and got us matching outfits. I think we look nice.
"So how is fatherhood treating you? You look like an idiot," Richmond says, clapping me on the back.
"Well, the baby's doing fine as is her mother," I say.
"Good. That's the main thing," he says, then quieter, "Are you aware they want you dead?"
"That I am," I say, quietly, "I have men I trust protecting my girls at home. I don't know if they'd harm my daughter, but."
"But the idea entered my head too, so if we've both thought it it may be true enough," he says, "What is your plan next?"
"I can't retreat we're too far in, with Edward back the wolves may quiet," I say.
"Your optimism is inspiring."
"I don't expect you to risk your neck, I'm well aware I've tied my own noose," I say.
He looks at me with an inscrutable gaze.
"I know. It's me they revile. I can do nothing right. I wouldn't ask you to go down with me. You saved me once, for that I am still in your debt," I say.
"I do hate this game you're playing."
"I'm not even on the board, look I follow Edward's lead it's his country," I say.
"Not for long if this keeps up," Richmond says.
Months ago I would have argued. But the other earl's power is growing. Their sentiment against me is becoming less bullying and more outright aggression. I'm well aware they want me dead. I'm twenty five years old with a four week old infant at home, and a thirteen year old for a wife. I now have something to fear. I'm not on the tilt making my best blow. I'm standing desperately in front of two children, and two women who depend on me, praying I'm impaled and not them.
Edward's boat appears before us. I'm waiting on the docks with the rest. At this point I'm truly believing a dagger could strike my back at any moment. I never feared for my life before. But now that my daughter is born I'm filled with uncharacteristic self preservation. That little girl needs me alive.
So suffice to say I'm more than a bit on edge. I force a smile. And Maggie squeezes my arm.
Then we all bow to our king. I kneel on the dock, head ducked. I barely caught a glimpse of Edward as he approached.
But no sooner do I hear his footsteps and the customary 'rise' before he tugs me into his arms. For a second I'm lost then I'm immediately found again in his kiss. Lingering on my lips then both my cheeks. Then he hugs me fiercely.
"I missed you so," he whispers, clutching me to his chest.
"I missed you too," I say, my voice catching. I sent him word my daughter was born but we've not spoken. And I've been so afraid and now suddenly I'm very very safe. He's home. He's king. He can protect me. I want to be protected.
Edward kisses my cheek again, then draws back. I can feel eyes upon us. We just did that bit in public. He greeted me first. For the first time I wonder if we should have done that?
Edward greets his sisters and brothers quickly. I hold my head high and wait.
The rest of the party comes and there's a flurry of greetings. Edward goes and kindly collects his little bride. Isabella. She looks more a doll than a little girl, barely up to Edward's waist. She's in fine silks, but her face is terribly sad. Maggie whispers to me that the new Queen looks miserable.
"I don't know why," I say, wondering what she's heard.
"She's in a new country and doesn't know anyone. I was scared marrying you and I'd met you," Maggie points out.
"Yeah fair that could be it, will you chat with her and be friends?" I ask.
"Of course, we'll be good friends," Maggie promises.
We as a party journey next to Eltham. We'll rest there before going on all the way to London. Edward and I have no chance to talk privately till then and at that point he's set on kissing me.
"Are you well? Are you sure— you look troubled? Let me hold you I've missed you so," Edward says, arms slung about my neck, me pinned against the door.
"Of course I'm troubled," I sigh, "What happened though? Tell me of the wedding?"
"Boring, you don't want to hear it. Isabella is sweet though. I told her about you," he says.
"Really?" I don't know why that makes me feel ill.
"Yes I said you were my blood brother and she'd like you," he explains.
"All right then," I sigh.
"How's the child? Well you said?" He asks, touching my face.
"Yes. We're all fine. Edward, nothing is going well though. I was regent I got nothing done it was terrible they hate me more than ever," I say.
"It doesn't matter. They'll all see you're going nowhere," he says, kissing me again.
I give in to his infectious optimism. They cannot touch him, he's as kind as he ever was. And I have no moves left to make, short of disappearing. And I will not leave him. So I have nothing left but to trust him.
I meet Isabella properly at Eltham. She still looks very sad, barely smiling and just staring at the falling snow, even as we walk in the yard.
"How are you liking England so far?" I ask, gently.
"It's cold," she says, softly.
"I know, my first winter here I thought I'd never see the sun again I hated it," I say.
"You're not from England?"
"Gascony. I grew up there, have you been?"
She shakes her head no.
"When I first got here, I dreamed of going back to France. Now, well, it's home. And the King is the kindest man you'll ever meet. Ask him, or me for anything, we'll make sure you get it, we want you to be happy here," I say.
"What made you stay in England?" She asks, quietly.
"It turned out, everything I thought I hated, I was choosing to dislike because I was being stubborn. Once I started to see the beauty in it, then well, it was infectious. I saw beauty everywhere. Now I love foggy days," I say.
"What is your post? Are you my husband's staff?" She asks.
"No, I'm the Earl of Cornwall, and I'm friends with the king because we fought together, in Scotland," I say.
She nods, but she still looks melancholy. I've done my best, and being me I realize I'm not the most comforting person there is.   Maggie spends some time playing cards with her, then reports back to me. We are not meant to be in the same bedroom. The thirteen year old now walks into my room to update me on her spying.
"She said she's glad the king has you. She's scared of having babies. I told her I was too but you and my uncle aren't like that," Maggie says, "Her people told her she was going to get bedded."
"No, god, poor thing. Thank you for telling her she's not—wait did you tell her your uncle's—bedding me?" I hiss.
"Oh two people had already told her that I confirmed it," Maggie says, sitting at the end of my bed.
I tug a pillow over my face so I don't have to see her reaction, "Who told you this originally?"
"Literally everyone. So many people."
"Right, right this is fine."
Being the king's lover certainly isn't boring. We have a coronation in a week. I hold a tournament celebrating the wedding but do not attend. There's another tournament going on the next week. Edward is so out of touch he asks me why I do not participate.
"For if I did I would not live. They would kill me, Edward. They wish me dead," I say, simply.
"You fear that much for your life?" Edward asks.
"I am two steps short of having someone taste my food," I say, not admitting I already told the girls to have a person or a dog taste their food. The same for my daughter's wetnurse she's refusing to use. Alice nurses the child herself which at the moment seems wise.
"They won't harm you. You are mine, that's all," Edward says, cupping a hand to my cheek, "You were alone too long. I shouldn't have left you. They're just cruel."
I still want to believe it.
The coronation ceremony looms.
We have to delay it a week due to unrest. The Earls meet with Edward and in front of my face tell him that I should be dismissed. Edward simply laughs and takes my arm. I don't know which one of us is going mad.
I'm to carry the crown, and the sword at the coronation. At this point I'm beyond protesting. What and stand in the back and have them say I think I'm too good to participate? Why deny Edward now when it is he who I care for? He who wants me there?
The coronation itself is a blur of sound and colors. That is all. I wear a purple cape the other earls gold spun. My only allies who will even speak to me are Richmond, who politically holds little power, and the younger Hugh Despenser, who holds no power. He's married to Maggie's sister. So she likes chatting to her sister and the boy likes jousting and so now I talk to sixteen year olds about jousting because I've no other friends.
Besides, the king.
The king.
Edward is crowned king. He has my arms blazoned on a tapestry with his. The arms he made up for me. I'm an invented man in purple cloth robes. I've never felt less alive. I'm taken over by the weird memory of running barefoot in the rain in Gascony. Innocent. Nobody knew my name.
At one point, Warwick tries to attack me. The Lancaster brothers unite to tackle him. I don't even think it's for me I think they've been wanting to tackle someone all evening. I think I'm right because when I whisper my thanks the elder Lancaster says:
"You're doing so badly it's sad now. I'm switching sides. It's like playing against myself."
And the younger says: "I'm pleased to be a part of such a historic failure."
And it is a failure. The room is over bubbling with hate. For me. All eyes seething into me. A couple people call for me to be removed. I think the French party is so confused, they are wondering if this is even normal. They also don't like the food. I can't eat so I can't comment on the food but it was intended to be good.
And Edward?
His stubbornness knows no bounds. He takes my arm. He kisses my cheek. He speaks to me the entire dinner. I'm at his one side, wondering if my life can get stranger, he's at the other. Just talking to me. He's the king of England. I'm the most hated man in the country I don't even know why.
So I just stare at them. I stare. I smile. They can hate me but they can't make me hate myself. Or who I am. I will not allow that.
"We should go rowing on the Thames I've not done it in ages. I'll be so glad to get back to normal life. We could go down to Cornwall," Edward says, idly, he's eating maybe the food is good. I wouldn't know.
"Yes," I smile at him, they are all watching me, "As you like. Summer will be here soon."
"Yes," he says, "Summer's coming you'll finally agree to go swimming."
"Not in the Thames though," I say, I think someone threw food at me but I shan't look to prove it.
"No, not the Thames. Did you do any hunting while I was away?"
"No, I did not," I breath. Smile. Don't let them get to you. It's over now the game is rigged the dice are weighted. Just carry on.
Parliament opens in three days.