Ares Patience

4: Sorrow

The last thing I expected when I walked into my apartment was to see my mother sitting on the recliner dead. Her light skin is pale, lips are blue and her violet colored eyes, once vibrant are now dull and unblinking. Her pupils haven't dilated and her skin is cold, I've check her pulse twice and found none.

I sit in front of her body, legs folded beneath me and my feet crossed.

There's a beaded cross wrapped between my praying hands and it dangles against my knuckles, brushing torn skin. The tears haven't come yet, I've mourned her death years ago when she proved to me I was a unwanted mistake. Our relationship was complicated, complex, and she cared far too late. Now that she rests in front of me her death doesn't move me in a way that should speak to my dying soul. It doesn't feel like I've lost a mother, it just feels like another heavy burden to carry on my shoulders.

I don't break down and cry, and I do not scream to her God and ask for his forgiveness.

Valentina Cardosa was just as terrible as Marcel. Her ruthless ways and devotion to her husband would always be her worst mistakes.

Forcing young teenage girls to have a baby after being raped, punishing the women who spoke out on the unjust, even something as simple as reading was met with a brutal retribution. The women of the Puritans weren't allowed to do much, the only exceptions were the ones that planned to join Marcels army, and even that took time and convincing. He didn't believe women were capable of doing a mans job, but when he saw just how useful a woman could be, he adjusted the rules accordingly. Of course, like always the rules only ever changed for his own personal gain.

There were so many other rules Marcel and Valentina enforced to keep our family on top, but it didn't matter when thousands still followed their word. They were the talk of the underworld, and whispered on the streets, a marriage all followers of the Puritans idolized deeply. Everything they had worked so hard was coming to fruition, the money, the power and the blindly led followers.

Unfortunately all good things eventually come to a end, and for them things went down hill when my father decided that he wanted more than one wife. The perfect family on the outside but ruined, destroyed and shattered behind closed doors. My mother resented my father and no longer wanted anything to do with him. Of course that couldn't be when my father had a image to uphold. No one would want to stand behind a man that couldn't keep his wife in control, one that couldn't handle the trivial side of marriage.

Two people, one soul intertwined for life, my father broke his vows years before I was born. And it wasn't until my father realized the power he held did he burn anyone that got in his way, including my mother.

Too late did Valentina try her to keep me from the brunt of his force. He inflicted pain upon anyone that went against his will and even I, his only legitimate child, was not the exception to this divine rule.

Being locked in dog crated underground when I fought back against the rules. Going days without sunlight, food and water because he wanted to teach the deviants a lesson. Having the flesh torn off the bottom of my soles from a whip because I didn't meet his expectations. Marcel Cardosa was ruthless when it came to building the perfect soldier. He needed a army to get what he wanted and every single soldier had to be perfect. Mistakes were not an option.

My mother allowed it because she was too afraid of the power he had obtained. In such a short time Marcel Cardosa had gathered a large following, and right before I was born he plundered through the underworld with a vengeance. Quickly did he make a name for himself and his following. It would be impossible for her to make a difference when so much had changed in such a short time.

Valentina Cardosa once had a voice and it had been taken away.

It took me having a baby at seventeen for my mother to open her eyes. She and a old friend were the only reason we made it out of the U.S and onto Brazilian soil. Without them, Boo would not be here and I wouldn't be alive to watch my daughter grow.