(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 52

everyone comment, more comments about the chapter the more i'll update need to see you're all still here x

Gina eventually grew tired and went to bed, now I was sitting in the kitchen alone debating what to do. Do I stay here and wait for Luke? Or do I simply just go home and carry on with how things are? I was still so angry with Luke. Probably more angry that I should be, I knew Maisy had twisted my thoughts into deep negativity and made me more angry than I should be. But, on the other hand, I was upset. That's how I wanted to feel, not because I love the idea of being upset and drained, not for any dark reason at all, just I would rather be upset than angry? Wouldn't I?

I found myself now contemplating my own emotions in my head, not knowing what to feel, act and what to do about the situation. I mean, I do absolutley love LA and it would't be the worst thing to do. But like Maisy said, if I go, he's won. Or has he? Maybe he just wants me there, well I am sure he wants me there as he expresses it all the time, but then again, why make such a fuss about me coming back to Australia, forcing me to come home, then only a small period of time after that, think it is okay for him to then change his mind and want to rush me back. We wouldn't have had this problem if we had just stayed out there, I had a support group, a friend, a happy home and all of my best friends around me constantly, I was happy, eurgh...this just made me want to go back even more, all I did have here if the boys left me behind is Linsday...who was more than enough of a good reason to stay home, but she had Gina, she has someone here who she can see and enjoy herself with, I had no friends but Maisy here and from what she says, shes staying for good.

Whilst I made up my mind, I made myself another cup of tea. The alcohol was wearing off slowly and my mind started to fall into stress mode. All my worries now rolled back into my mind. I wouldn't have even phased me going back to America, if I hadn't been forced to come home in the first place and if we had been here longer than only a few days and now Luke wanted to leave in just a few more. I felt our relationship just wasn't what it was. A year ago, we laughed, messed around and even things like, dare I say it and sorry to, sex, was something that was constant in our lives, we were a happy, well most of the time unless something went wrong, a loving couple. Don't get me wrong, I am more than happy and in love with Luke than I have ever been, but things just seemed to just constantly be a row or bicker with us. When he was living at home constantly, before America, we were the best Luke and April there ever was.

I turned these thoughts of, I loved Luke and that was that, I obviously did not want to loose him any time soon.

Just as I decided to go home for the night, to have space in my own home and ease my mind with a long sleep, the door went, they were home... well one was anyway, Luke. His keys fell down onto the little table beside the door and his jacket slung over the coat rack, his shoes slipped off and messily thrown with the others he sighed, I could hear he was drunk by the murmers of him speaking to himself came into light. I couldn't bring myself to move, nor go and speak to him whatsoever. Instead I sat and waited, listening to his movements. But he

walked straight into his bedroom and that was that.

I summed up the courage and stood up, walking to his room. As I approached the back of the room, I was met by his beauty, back mucles tensed as his shirt was slowly torn from his body, his hands met his hair as he shook his hands over the curls. "Luke." I whispered, trying not to startle him, which failed as he jumped as he span round, his hand upon his torso as he breathed heavily. "Jesus, you scared the shit out of me."