Oculus Amor

02

Today is the day that I've been waiting for more than ten years. I would finally the man of my dreams. And I am not ready. Nasa loob ako ng van na kinuha ni Yrvi at ang bilis ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Maayos naman ang suot ko at maganda rin ang ayos ko ngunit pakiramdam ko ay may mali sa akin.

Before leaving, I checked my socials and searched if there is a dirt on my image and name. Bumili rin ako ng new set of make ups dahil pakiramdam ko bigla ay madumi ang ginagamit ko kahit na halos dalawang linggo pa lang ito sa akin. Maging ang damit at perfume na bagong-bago pa ay kinailangan kong palitan. And oh, I dyed my hair red. Iyon lamang ang naging paraan ko para maging kampante sa hitsura. I never felt this insecure mula noong naging successful ako.

I messaged him where I am and agad naman siyang nagreply na papunta na siya. Tiningnan kong muli ang reflection ko sa cellphone.

"Fuck, kinakabahan ako," pagka-usap ko sa sarili. I decided to call Yrrvi but she's out of reach. Two hours pa bago magsimula ang concert and I am thinking if I should go home na lang ba.

I heard a knock on the door. Huminga ako nang malalim at inayos ang nakalugay na pulang buhok bago ito buksan.

He's real. A tall handsome man wearing a plain black polo shirt and a white trouser pants is in front of me. Nakabukas ang dalawang butones ng damit niya at nakaayos ang halatang malambot niyang buhok. His lips are red and his nose is so goddamn good. He smiled and his well defined jaw moved.

And his eyes.

His brown hazel eyes bore itz gaze on me. Then suddenly, I felt like an ice melting under the heat of a sun.

I bit my lips and step out the van. Inilahad niya ang kamay niya bilang alalay sa akin na siya ko namang tinanggap.

Beat.

There's a sudden energy that flows in my body. It is making my heart beat faster than usual. "Thank you," I said, swallowing the lump on my throat and gathering all my fighting spirit to stand even in front of him.

"I'm glad that you came. It's nice meeting you, Ely," he said while smiling ears to ears. Hawak pa rin niya ang kamay ko at parang ayaw ko itong mapabitaw pa.

Mas lalo siyang gumwapo dahil sa dimples niya. Super worth it ang ten years kong paghihintay sa kanya. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng tuhod ko nang marinig ang boses niya. Fuck it, I should've practice speaking before coming out.

"Ah, y-yes, it's nice m-meeting you too," nervousness is obvious on my voice. I'm stuttering and my palms are sweating. Sana pala ay hindi muna ako sumipot. Grabe naman 'yon.

"You seems tense, let's loosen up a bit, shall we?" He offered at tanging sagot lamang ang nagawa ko. Nauna siyang maglakad at nakasunod lamang ako sa kaniya. Maging sa likuran ay ang gwapo niya. Naka-four inches heels na ako ngayon pero hanggang balikat niya lamang siguro ang tangkad ko o baka mas mababa pa.

Dinala niya ako sa isang coffee shop and he ordered for me. Hindi ko alam kung saan niya nalaman iyon or kung coincidence lang, but he ordered my favorites.

"How many years has it been? Ten? Eleven?" He asked.

I sipped from my coffee before answering. "If it is from our first chat, eleven. If it is from where you left, ten."

He licked his lips and lean forward. He met my eyes and smiled. "You're really pretty, Adelyne."

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagagawang tingnan ako nang ganoon. Hindi ba siya naiilang?

I'm sixteen when I met him online and planned that we'll meet. They said let's reduce our expectations to zero so we won't get hurt. Kaya naman noong napag-usapan naming magkikita kami, I didn't expect that it will happen.

Ang layo ng status namin noon. Bukod sa natatakot akong makipagkita sa kaniya dahil baka hindi niya ako magustuhan, I am aware that he'll leave soon. He said it to me. "When I leave, it will be permanent. I'll quit ties with you." That's exactly what he said.

Sabi ko ay tanggap ko. Pero noong umalis siya, para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. Ang daming nagbago that time. He's the one I've been holding on kaya I almost lost myself when he left.

And now he's sitting in front of me after ten years of not talking to him. We're both individually stable in all aspect of life and I finally caught up with his status.

Isang malalim na hininga ang pinakawalan ko.

Ayokong mag-aksaya na naman ng oras dahil natatakot ako. I didn't survive a lot of years to be afraid when it comes to him. He taught me how to be brave, and I'll show him how brave I can be. He admire how I take the risks and now he's the risk that I am willing to take.

"Heli, I like you," I said while looking straightly into his eyes, letting it consume me to its depths. He didn't answer but I felt his hand on mine.

"I never stopped liking you. Even after you left, even after I dated so many guys. I tried a lot of times to get away from this feeling but it's always there. It never left. I guess you really has this effect on me. And thanks to that, I didn't get into a relationship when I'm studying and working. It brought me from where I am right now," mahaba kong sabi.

Nanatili pa rin siyang tahimik, kinakabahan tuloy ako.

"Fuck, I've known this since then but the way you speak is really cute," tumingala siya pero hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang ngiti niya.

Inayos ko ang buhok ko.

"Red hair looks good on you," papuri niya na ikinangiti ko. "Everything looks good on you. Kahit nga ako, eh."

Tangina, para akong nakahiga sa cloud nine. Pakiramdam ko ay may buong zoo sa tiyan ko, hindi lang butterflies! Parang nasusuka rin ako ng rainbow. Ang tagal kong hindi kinilig. I built my walls so high that I rarely feel kilig in real life.

Tapos sa huli ay siya rin pala ang magpapakilig sa akin.

"So, what's the answer?" I diverted the topic. Baka lumabas na ang puso ko sa lakas ng tibok nito.

"You didn't ask me anything."

Hawak pa rin niya ang kamay ko at nilalaro ang singsing sa gitnang daliri ng kanang kamay ko. It's a silver ring with a dolphin and a small diamond at the middle. I got this from my Dad and I decided to put a diamond to add value in it.

It symbolizes individuality and self worth.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago sinabi ang tanong ko. "I said I like you. Do you like me too?"

Sa halip na sumagot ay inilipat niya ang singsing sa palasingsingan ko. WHAT THE FUCK?

Ring placement is so important to me. That's my sign everytime a guy will hit me up. I think everyone who personally knows me is aware of that.

Putting a ring on my ring finger is a sign that I am commited and in a relationship.

"I do. Even before I left, I like you. Even before you confessed, I like you. Even when you make mistakes and disappear out of nowhere, I like you," masuyo niyang sabi habang nakatingin sa mga mata ko.

The way he looks at me screams safety and assurance.

Tama bang maramdaman ito sa taong babago ko pa lamang nakita?

Hindi ko alam.

Blessing talaga sa akin ang Arctic Monkeys. Kung hindi siguro sila magcoconcert dito at kung hindi tumanggi si Yrvi ay baka matagalan pa ang mga happenings na ito, o baka hindi na mangyari.

I used to take precautions but for him, I'll take the risk.

I let myself be independent for so long. I think it is time for me to breathe and put my head on someone's shoulder, let someone hold my hand, and tie my shoelace.

Gusto ko rin magpa-baby.

Gusto ko rin ng lambing.

And I only want it from him.

Tanging kay Engineer Helio lamang.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

@httpsyeshielyyy | arianelyxir