▪︎Some stories are just waiting for an ending.▪︎
A marriage set on shards of glass, every step forward makes someone bleed.
A troubled heroine, a lovesick hero, an emotional journey.
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A short love story.
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"When you were little Seher, you used to run behind me in the house doing everything exactly the way I did. If I ate my vegetables, you did too. If I didn't, you left them in your plate as well." I remember that. She is ten years older than me. She was my role model.
"I thought you would follow my footsteps forever. But then you made your own way and that is the best thing you ever did. So please don't fall back on the path I made to follow in my footsteps.
Look at me Seher. I am forty and divorced with no children or partner. Alot of people tell me how brave I am to navigate life alone but everytime they say it just reminds me of how stupid I am. I had a life. A husband. A home. And now I have nothing."
Somewhere in between my sister started crying. She is a very expressive person. Her face shows everything she feels and right now, it's showing pain. So prominent and inescapable. I take her hands in mine trying to give her the power she needs to tell me the truth. I told her my story and somewhere in between she saw what an idiot I am. I saw it too.
"Sure, I have a good career and a well paying job, but at the end of the day, it's just that. A job. It ends and I go back to an empty house. My loneliness clenches my heart with shame everytime I lay in bed alone. This house," she looks around, gesturing to her apartment, "it's nothing but cemented walls and furniture. It's not a home. I couldn't make it one.
Everytime I look back at the life I've lived till now, do you know what I come out to be? A failure. I failed the one man who loved me more than anything, who I loved more than anything."
My sister got married to her college sweetheart when they were only twenty four. Everyone around them told them it was too early but they were in love and when you're in love, nothing else matters. They had a great life until they got divorced seven years ago. Nine years into their marriage and then they both separated.
I wasn't with her when that happened. I had my own shit going on but she wasn't ready to talk about it either. She just said they want a divorce and then it happened. No one knows the reason. Until now. "What did you do? Why are you blaming yourself for it?"
"Because I am the one to blame. My stupidity is the one to blame. Eight years after our marriage we started to try for a baby. He really wanted to be a father and I really wanted to be a mother. It was a great plan, until I got to know that I can't get pregnant. You're not the only one burdened with this problem Seher, I am too. I can't have a baby! I really wanted one. And he did too!"
Oh, my poor girl! I sit her down on the dining table chair and sit on the one beside hers. She rests her head on my shoulder and cries. Her cries so loud, I can feel her heart break. I rub her back until she calms down a bit and then she sits up to wipe her eyes.
"So then I did the next most awful thing I could. I told to him that I want a divorce. That he shouldn't suffer because of me, that he should move on in life and get married again to someone who can give him a child. He refused. Very obviously. He said he doesn't want to do that. That he loves me no matter what, that he doesn't want a child without me but I was too blind in trying to be the bigger person.
