25 years ago, The notorious Doll Collector died at the hands of the only woman he failed to kill. He left behind a son, Jordan, who was shielded from the truth of his crimes. Now an FBI agent, Jordan is working to catch serial killers and is on a li...
I've detailed in previous entries how I tried to feel something for these women. I even slept with Evelyn and Charlotte and Isabella, but it was always an empty act. There was no connection. I thought maybe it was me, something wrong with me.
Maybe my mother was right. No woman would love me after what happened, and that's why I didn't feel anything from these women.
That was then. I could say now that something had changed. I've met someone who inspires some type of feeling in me. Her name is Maria, and I've met her on the app Lieutenant Baby told me about. She's sweet and funny, and so smart, not to mention beautiful.
We're meeting soon, and while I still intend in making her into a doll, I'm excited to meet her.
We've had long conversations and although she's talking to Bud, I feel that she could really see me. Sometimes, I think I can be honest with her. I won't, of course. I'm not stupid, but the way she talks to me...
I need to ask her out soon before she gets suspicious about me. She's a psychologist, she might just figure out what I am.
June 2017
I've met her. I write this as she sleeps shackled to the bed in the doll room. She's just as beautiful in her sleep as she is when she's awake. But the bitch stabbed me, and I can't forgive that. It still hurts when I shower or move. She fought hard, and I guess that's commendable. None of the others fought that much. They seemed to accept their fate, begging for mercy. But not Maria, she wanted me at her mercy.
I knew she'd be special, I just didn't know how much. For the first time since Mia, I've told another soul what happened to me as a child. Maria listened to me, even cried for me. She should be dead already. Someone that knew that much shouldn't be alive, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
As lonely as my life is, killing her would leave it emptier. I don't know who or what she is, but as it stands, I cannot kill Maria. I honestly don't even know what to do with her. None of them have ever survived me before. She'll have to stay in the doll room, but she can't be here for too long.
My neighbors will notice if a woman is here.
How do you solve a problem like Maria? Wait, isn't that a movie?
September 2017
She's been here for two months, and I've already gotten used to her presence. I crave it even. Just knowing that she's nearby puts me at ease, I don't know how to behave. Should I be nice to her? I've never had to care for a living doll. She resists at every turn, entirely ungrateful that she's still alive. While I give her food, and other necessities to live, I've revoked shower privileges. She'd been giving too much attitude, and I had to punish her. Her hair had become greasy and stringy, but somehow she was still beautiful.
What had happened to me? She was dirty and she stunk, but I still wanted to be near her. I couldn't t go on like this. She'd turned me into some soft mush ball that hadn't had a chance to kill. She had stunted my hobby. That was just like a woman, wasn't it? She remained locked in a room, but I didn't trust her to stay put for longer than a few hours. So all I did was go to work and behaved like an upstanding citizen.
Her photo was plastered everywhere from billboards to flyers on lampposts. My goal had always been to take women that no one would notice was gone, but fuck did I make a mistake with her. I couldn't even turn on the news without seeing her face filling up the screen. Her mother made daily pleas for me to deliver her back to her. Funny that she was speaking directly to the man who had her when she came to the station.
I sat and listened to her weep, following up on what we had. We had nothing, and I made sure of that. Jenny also frequented the station with her theories. She'd fallen into the rabbit hole that was the Internet. She trolled through dark web forums, firmly believing that Maria might be part of some sex trafficking ring. There had been supposed sightings of her in other countries, which plunged her family into hope and then devastation when it turned out to be a fake. All this time, she'd been thirty miles from the station.
How much longer could I keep hiding her? Eventually, someone would notice that I was buying more food, leaving the house less. I've given myself the reputation of a ladies man who never stayed put with one woman for long. My behavior was consistent with a man who had a woman in his life. Maybe if I poisoned her food, that would be easier than killing her myself. It was cowardly, but wasn't that how women killed, too?
December 2017
Maria has grown incredibly comfortable in this space. She no longer seems to fear me, if she ever did. Her attitude has changed immensely from someone trying to survive to someone that has adapted. I don't like it. This isn't the dynamic that we should have. Maybe she feels that she has me. I loathe to admit it, but I think of Maria often. That's obvious since Adrian and I are working her case, but I can no longer separate the Maria from work from the Maria at home. She is not a victim anymore. She is the force at my house that has kept me under control.
Her glare no longer pierces me, in fact there's hardly any emotion behind it. I too have become a normal part of her routine. I wonder why she doesn't try to fight back anymore. It's not resignation, because she doesn't submit to everything I say. She demands things, like tampons and a shower. And there I go like an errand boy to make her comfortable. Is this love? Is this the concept that others have talked about so dearly?
Do I love her? I depend on her presence in my house, but can she say the same about me? Is love that mutual feeling? Even I can tell that this is a damaged relationship. If I let her go, would she come back to me? I've heard it said that if you love something, then set it free. If they come back, then it's meant to be.
It could be this is what she wants so she can turn on me. I'm not that stupid Maria. If she did the long game, then I have to applaud her for that because she's 6 months past per expiration date. It makes me want to smile. It's hard not to fall in love with her. If she won't let me have her in death, will she let me have her in life?
December 2017
What to do with Maria has become increasingly obvious. I've been receiving notes from a wannabe killer who resents her presence in my life. Things are beginning to get dangerous and I have the feeling I'm going to be outed for the killer I am. I'm going to have to set her free, but this could be what she's been working on this entire time. She's a cunning woman, and I'd expect nothing less from a woman who has survived me. However, I have to be honest with myself, the reason that I fear letting her go is not because I'll be exposed, but because she may not come back and I will remain alone.
I think I may be in love with her, or whatever the equivalent of love is for people like me. Can you truly love someone you once wanted to kill?
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Hey y'all! It's been a minute, but I am back with a new chapter!
How was it? Here's a little insight to what Kris was thinking when he held Maria captive. She had him from the very beginning.
