Hello :)
This chapter is dedicated to shreshtjain
Thank you for teaching me what love is.
Also, the stuff I've written about how love is acceptance, all credits to shreshtjain
Thank you for showing me how the world could look like.
~Vibha
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Irene had never believed in true love. She believed in infatuation. She believed in lust. She believed in the want to get to know someone.
But there are different kinds of love, aren't there?
She loved Samantha.
She loved reading.
She loved acting.
Maybe it was because of bad experiences. Or maybe the books she read and movies she saw influenced her thoughts on love.
Or maybe she was scared true love actually existed. And that she would never find it.
It wasn't easy getting over Christopher. How do you get over someone you created so many memories with?
But the truth was, it wasn't getting over him that scared her.
It was the fact that for the first time in forever, she had stumbled across something that never ceased to surprise her, and prove her wrong. And she was afraid that she wouldn't come across that again.
Samantha came over again the next evening. She told Samantha that Peter and her had gotten a lot closer. Irene smiled and said,
"He likes you."
Samantha rolled her eyes. But there was a little sparkle in them.
Samantha believed in love.
She felt everyone had a soul mate, some just find it earlier than others.
And she always told Irene that when you find love, it's like nothing you've ever felt before.
"Whish mofie bo you wansh to watsh?"
Samantha said, her mouth full of popcorn.
Irene burst out laughing.
"I didn't understand shit. Swallow Samantha. Then speak."
"I said" She started, after swallowing the popcorn.
"Which movie do you want to watch?"
"Hmm something not lovey dovey. Oh how about Oceans Eleven?"
Samantha groaned.
"We've seen that movie just about a hundred million times. Pass."
"Odd life of Timothy Green?"
"Haven't watched it. Let's do it."
And so they watched the movie. There were tears. Laughter.
Irene probably cried more for movies and books than she did in everyday scenarios.
At about 7 Samantha had to leave, and she promised she would be back the next day with pizza.
"Only if you have the pizza." Irene said, grinning as Samantha skipped away.
As she put away the CD's, she thought about Oliver. And about what he said. Maybe that was the reason she didn't fight back. Didn't tell anyone. Maybe she did deserve all the pain.
She then thought about the day she met Christopher. How their relationship had come so far. Until she ruined it. All the coffee, the late nights on the swings in the park, the stupid jokes.
One boy was hurting her physically. And the other boy was hurting her mentally.
And all she did was watch herself break, more and more.
It's not that she couldn't live without Christopher. Heck she'd probably forget about him in a few months.
Atleast that's what she told herself.
She headed upstairs to her room. Her mother was out, probably at a bar. Her father was supposedly working.
She pulled open her drawer and saw the blades, just sitting there, glistening.
She knew her promise to Samantha, but what Samantha didn't know, wouldn't hurt her.
This wasn't about dying. It was about the pain. The pain she deserved.
But somehow the blade seemed to have no effect. It didn't hurt much anymore.
People say that there's one pain which outweighs any other. Every other pain becomes negligible.
The hurting of the heart.
And it was like nothing she'd ever felt before.
She felt out of control. Lost. And she didn't know what force was at play here.
She didn't know what a villain love was.
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You can't define love.
Yes, the dictionary probably says otherwise, but think about it.
Some say love is pain.
Some say love is the balm that soothes the pain.
Some say if you love something, you suffer for it.
Some say love means forgetting the meaning of suffering.
So really, love is open ended.
No one can tell you what love is. But what does it feel like?
It's different for every person.
It could be looking up at the star spangled sky, and thinking of how in this vast universe, you've found tranquility.
It could be having butterflies in your tummy and elevated heart rate when they're around.
It could mean thinking about how you wish your loved one was with you when you're having a good time.
Love means lot of things to a lot of people.
But above all, it means acceptance.
It means accepting someone's raging blues.
Their roaring reds.
Their blazing whites.
And their unfathomable blacks.
You don't love bits and pieces of people, you embrace them as a whole.
Loving someone feels like your first flight.
You're nervous at first, a little shaky. It's a new experience, you aren't used to being dangled in the air in a huge metal bird.
Then you look out of the window, little braver. You see the clouds. The sky. The colours.
It's nothing like ever before.
And then you realise, you're soaring. You see the world like never before.
And that's how love works.
It goes from unknown, to known and accounted for.
Love gives you wings to soar. But it also keeps you grounded.
The roses seem a little redder.
The sun shines a little brighter.
The world seems a little nicer.
And the only difference between true love and your first flight, is that a flight has to land at some point.
True love is an eternal flight with a beginning, but no end.
And there's only one person out there who will show you these things first hand.
You just need to find that person.
