invisible string

seven.

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your body carried you down the familiar path to class, but your mind felt absent.

you got there early, habit, but paced around in the cold until the very last minute. you knew ellie would be there, her habit - apparently, sitting and waiting in the seat next to yours and you felt unable to face her.

either you didn't truly know why you felt that way, or you were clinging onto the last dwindling thread of delusion that your mind allowed.

you liked ellie. you really liked ellie. and ellie... 'liked ' you... too?

the minutes ticked by quicker than you could gather your thoughts and you made a break for the classroom, your fingers turned red from clutching onto your cold drink so tightly.

you were preoccupied and you had hardly even drank any of it. you frowned at your useless purchase. the ice was melting and the sight looked off-putting, but your stomach was hurting too much anyway to try and make it worthwhile with one last sip.

your idea to throw it away upon entering the classroom was short lived, as the professor was standing in the front of the room and you didn't want to cross the front to throw away your practically full beverage.

it sloshed in the cup and you winced, imagining your own stomach as it twisted.

ellie glanced up as you came around to your seat and the crease on her forehead disappeared immediately as her eyes landed on you. the idea of keeping a secret made you feel dirty, but you weren't sure if you were even actually keeping one.

"was worried you weren't coming or something," ellie muttered, glancing over as you claimed your spot next to her.

you smiled but didn't meet her eyes. the feeling of your heartbeat pounding in your ears was overwhelming.

"are you okay?" ellie asked, her voice a low whisper as she studied your expression.

you tried to focus instead on your notebook and laptop. you didn't want to be rude and you definitely found it difficult to resist ellie when she was staring at you like that, but you needed to clear your head. the idea of clearing your head sounded ridiculous though, and you thought maybe you hadn't had a clear head since the first day that ellie decided to speak to you in class.

ellie tapped her pen on your desk and you jumped, realizing too many seconds had gone by and you still didn't answer her question.

"i'm good. just stressed, i think," you responded, not totally lying but not completely telling the truth, either.

you hoped your answer was enough to hold ellie over at least until class was finished, your professor seemed grumpy lately and you didn't want to subject yourself to an in-class call out.

ellie sighed and sank down in her chair, physically pulling away from you. your heart ached while you watched, suddenly wanting to tell her everything. a frown was etched onto her lips and you wanted to swipe it away.

throughout class, you spent more time watching ellie take notes than taking notes of your own. halfway through it seemed as though ellie gave up too, because she started doodling over her written words. you glanced over often, not trying to be sneaky because you didn't particularly mind if ellie caught you. if she did catch you, she would only grin and carry on anyway.

the ice melted quicker in the warm classroom, the condensation relentless and a small pool was beginning to form around the bottom of your cup. you quickly wiped it away with your sleeve, face burning. the patheticness of the remaining drink was taunting, beads of water slipping and threatened to dampen the corner of your notes.