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I am home, I hide in my room.
I am alone.
I fear what may become of me,
I know that the results are bad.
Knowing this- I am terrified.
I try my hardest, to be the best.
When I don't, the consequences are bad.
I tell everyone that I want to do my best;
Because I do,
Because I need to,
Because I want to have a good life.
That all isn't a complete lie,
But I do it because I fear whats at home.
The person I try my hardest for,
The one who will be disapointed.
I smile through my pain,
It isn't physical but it might as well be.
The emotional pain of not being good enough,
The pain of being looked down upon like a supid child.
I try my hardest not have to suffer.
What should I do?
When the one I wish to please,
The one who has their attention taken from me at every moment,
The one who doesn't reconise me unless I do something of importance,
Frowns at the paper and looks at me in utter horror?
I sit and take the denial,
The glances and the whispered arguements.
Why should I let what they think take over my life?
Its because they are the only people that somewhat care,
Even though they torment me mentally,
Even though,
I still love them.
They are my family.
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