To be Frantastic

Epilogue

Happiness is not something that can be found, no sir.

It doesn't grow on trees, it is not given to you by other people. It's not something that grows with your popularity or with the amount of people that watch your videos on YouTube. It's something much, much more beautiful than that.

Happiness is about not wanting anything else for yourself.

It's about being alright with you being you, and not needing to do any changes to get it. It's about living in your own skin and not wanting to change that for anything in the world. I kills me to think on how long it's taken me to see that.

All this time, I thought that seeing others happy was what made me happy. I wasn't entirely wrong; seeing my friends, my family and the ones that I love happy does give joy to my heart.

But I have to love myself for who I am, and I have to be happy on my own, and for myself.

Depression doesn't mean being sad. It means not being anything at all. Or rather, it means denying to be anything at all. It means not wanting to admit that you are sad, or happy, or hurt, or afraid. It means that you are so against the idea of feeling anything that you end up shutting yourself out of all of it.

By definition, then, depression is the opposite of happiness.

But it doesn't mean I'm broken, no sir. My biggest mistake was thinking that I needed fixing. I don't need fixing.

In the end, for me, to be happy means to be Frantastic.

I just need to embrace myself for who I am.

And so do you.

Dr. Kellerman says that this is probably the last time you and I are talking like this.

I can't say that I'm not going to miss you, oh you mysterious voice in my head. But let's face it... sooner or later you'd have to go.

I know it's rough, but I have to see the world in a different way now. I have to understand that there's a lot out there, and that staying in here all the time is keeping me from it.

I guess that there's not much left to say... other than thank you.

Thank you, for real, from the deepest corner of my heart.

You have been here since the start, and you have walked every step of the way with me to the very end. And now that I'm here, I'm sad to see you go.

But I'm happy, too, because it means that you are free. You don't have to listen to my story anymore; I have run out of pages to write. I'm sure you will do well, and that we might even meet someday. In real life, of course.

Not that this isn't real; this chat that you and I have. Only that I will be able to see you, and to give you that big thank-you hug that I so much want to give you.

I'll be leaving for Australia soon, and I will be meeting Troye there, so I'm sorry to say I have to go. It's been a really good run.

Maybe sometime soon, we'll be able to chat again. And maybe then, it'll be even better than now...

Who knows?

I don't, for certain. But you already knew that... didn't you?