Self Help

Strawberry Swing

I'd been nursing my broken heart spending time with friends, and even more time belting out Sara Bareilles "Love Song" at the top of my lungs while creeping facebook. Hey, everyone grieves in their own way, right?

Despite my own natural inclination to wallow, I was slowly beginning to feel like myself again. It was early summer and the days are just starting to stretch their golden arms into the night making each day seem endless, and full of possibility.

After being invited to a friend's suprise birthday party, I decided to push myself to be social, even though my usual group of friends wouldn't be attending. After arriving a little too early, I loitered awkwardly with a beer in my hand, never straying too far from the snack table.

Then I saw the red pick up drive up.

I'd never been happier to see him.

Checkered button down wearing, six pack carrying, Nathan.

We were glued to each other's side, trading stories and catching up about everything we'd missed since graduation. I was finally relaxing in the presence of my old friend, and the couple of beers didn't hurt either. I almost felt guilty - this was the first time I'd really been able to forget about Aidan, and I couldn't fight the obvious attraction between Nathan and I.

So I ran away.

Well, not literally, but I gave Nathan a feeble excuse and went to hide on the other side of the lawn with another highschool girlfriend.

Hours later, as I was stepping out of the crowded kitchen for some fresh air, I felt someone grab my arm and pull me backward. I was shocked when I turned to see Nathan, who had never been so forward. He pulled me aside to a quiet corner of the deck, leaned in, and without a word, he kissed me.

I couldn't help but kiss back, and for a second, it was as if no time had ever passed, and we were right back under the stars and gently falling snow.

When we finally came up for air, I panicked.

"I can't do this," I mumbled, and bolted inside.

I called my dad and in no time I was sitting in the dark backseat of his car, speeding away from Nathan, but not able to escape the confusion I felt. Thoughts were swirling in my head and I couldnt think straight. That kiss had awakened feelings I didn't even know I still had. And what was worse, in a way the whole situation made me miss the comfort and stability of my relationship with Aidan.

Still, as I was falling asleep that night, I couldn't help but let my thoughts drift back to Nathan, and I felt myself smiling as I closed my eyes.

The next day I awoke to a text from Nathan. "I hope tonight wasn't too overwhelming for you. I know we'd both had a bit to drink, but I don't regret it, and I hope you don't either. I really want to see you again".

He picked me up and was beaming ear to ear when he came to the door to get me. We walked back to his car, and he opened the door for me, and waited to close it behind me. Always the gentleman. We went to a movie and he nervously held my hand. He kept looking over at me and smiling. It was so easy to be with him, so different from the way the last few weeks with Aidan had felt. Nathan walked me to my door and kissed me goodnight.

Aidan hadn't spoken to me since the last time we'd seen each other, but I was getting caught in a nasty "he said she said" gossip mill. Aidan had been telling people that I broke up with him, and that I wasn't willing to work on our relationship. I felt incredibly betrayed. Only weeks earlier, he'd called me his best friend, and now he was spreading lies about me, blaming me for the end of our relationship. It felt like he was taking everything that had been special and precious about our relationship and destroying it.