Liminal Space

"There you are," Shikamaru sighed softly, his entire body was freezing cold as he stared at the headstone. "I found you, just like I promised," His voice choked up. "I'm so sorry Naruto." 

The only one to hear him was the dead air around. The rain kept pelting his heavy trench coat as he broke down crying at his first love's grave. How could he have forgotten those memories, the time spent with his soulmate? What callous person had he become to forget such a precious person who shaped him into a better person? 

*Flash Back 22 Years*

"Ne, ne Naruto," Shikamaru tapped the cheek of the blonde who turned to him with a blank expression that split instantly into an incredible smile. The Nara smiled at the sight as the blonde hung onto his bicep. "Come on, we have a long night ahead." 

Later that night dressed up in black and paint-splattered jackets the two males danced at the rave, Shikamaru wasn't one for parties, Naruto had dragged him into his colorful world and Shikamaru didn't mind sticking around if he got to see that brilliant smile. It was love at first sight when Shikamaru faced his new classroom after moving to Ukraine. The blonde was captivating, his bright blue eyes distracted with the basketball court outside the classroom rather than on him. He didn't mind, he gazed shamelessly at his frame before getting over to his seat. 

When Naruto finally noticed him, the blonde told him he was the same. He was in love at first sight and while it was corny and cliche they couldn't help it. They treated each other tenderly, caring for their bruised hearts as they fell deeper in love. Tripping over themselves in happiness as they threw away restraints and went for it fully. Shikamaru has never known such freedom before and he was glad the blonde showed him that these things were possible. 

It was a blissful year and a half for the couple. 

It came crashing down when war plagued the country. 

It didn't make any sense, Shikamaru and his family were forced out of the country before it went into lockdown, Naruto had gotten drafted into the war and soon contact broke between them. It was mentally wrecking to watch Ukraine tear the country apart in a civil war. Shikamaru tried to get news about Naruto but everything was coming up empty and he lost his mind shortly before being locked away in a mental ward for the rest of his teenage years. 

Everything that reminded him of Naruto or the time spent in Ukraine was stripped and burned away as it was a powerful trigger. In an effort to be proper parents, they ensured there was nothing to trigger their son when he came out. But it didn't matter, he was never the same when he came out. He would still have triggers but his mind was blank as to what he was trying to remember. 

What was it? 

What were his parents hiding from him? 

What was his trauma?

He would do anything to remember but it came up to nothingness. As the years went by, the triggers came less and less and soon he had forgotten all of it. His high school memories faded away. 

He built himself up, becoming a respectable person in society but he felt empty. He couldn't stand relationships, his friendships from before the incident were strained beyond regular means and his parents were watching him warily. He felt like he was on the brink of a mental breakdown when his mother extended an olive branch behind his father's back. It was a key to a safe deposit box at their local bank. 

"What is this?" He asked her when she came to visit him. 

"The guilt is eating me alive but we did it for your own good. You have to remember before you tear yourself apart," She sobbed and Shikamaru for the first time remembered something. He remembered the flashing lights of a party and dancing closely with someone he was so giddy about. His heart pounded as he allowed himself to drown in that glimpse of his past. It would seem his body remembered but his mind wasn't letting him get far.