missing you - kiingtong

missing you

"because this is what you don't know, whenever I see you on the street, or walking in the halls at school, it makes me want to get on my knees and beg for you to come back to me. i swear i never meant the things i said, my dearest william. every day im missing you more and more - and i don't think i can handle that."

I punched in the letters in my phone, tears clouded my vision as my hand shook as I tried to press the small send button.

My mind was tearing itself apart, a half of it knew that I couldn't send it. That it would be classified as desperate and pathetic. But the other part wished that I did, so that Will would finally be back in my arms and we would be together again.

I prayed that he would keep his words, his promise, for waiting for me.

"I don't care if it takes ten years, Mary Johnson I will wait for you until you're ready for me."

I couldn't let him waste his time on me, though. That's exactly what I was - a waste. He needed to be with someone who wasn't so insecure. Someone that would love him so much and not focus on the negative things in life.

Someone that didn't have depression and anxiety issues.

I couldn't deny to myself that I didn't love him, dammit I loved him so much it made my chest start hurting when I let him go. Giving him up was the hardest thing that I had ever done, the look on his pained face haunted me. He believed it so easily as I muttered to him that I didn't love him, that I never loved him.

I accepted the role of playing the whore that played around with guys emotions after that, just to make him believe it. So that he wouldn't come back to me saying he still loved me. If he did that I knew that I would crack and give in, selfishly loving him once more.

No, I could never do that.

I set down my phone on the couch beside me, taking an uneven breath as I did so. He deserved his happy ending.

I walked away, not hearing the small dinging sound of my phone - sent.