infinite darkness | leon kennedy

epilogue

In the wakening hours of the early year 2009, I feel alive. To say the least, a lot has happened within the past two years of my life. Leon's life too.

What's got me up this early? Our five month old baby girl, Loren. Yes, it happened. I had a baby. But before any of that happened, me and Leon got married of course. Our wedding day was great, though I wish my mom could've attended it. Her presence was definitely felt by me. I knew she was watching me walk myself down the aisle.

Our wedding was a year and seven months ago exact. I remember my dress so perfectly. The heart shaped torso, the floral pattern that ran a train in the back. The skirt of the dress being puffy, I felt like a princess going to a ball that day.

For a few months after the big day, Leon and I had our honeymoon. It wasn't your typical honeymoon, though. We didn't travel anywhere, no. We stayed home all day and enjoyed each others souls. We never left one another's side.

Leon discussed what his thoughts were on having a baby, he then proceeded to ask me what my thoughts were. It was cute, really. The way he spoke about wanting to have our baby. To me, he always seemed like he'd be an amazing father. Me, on the other hand, I wasn't ever sure I'd be a great mom. Sure I'm patient, kind, warm... but I sometimes can't even take care of myself. So I made the decision to improve my self care skills and to be a better mom before I'd ever have a baby.

It worked.

I love being a mom.

I'm rocking Loren in my arms to calm her cries. She hushes her sobs and falls to sleep again. Her face is so perfect. Though her room is only lit by a few candles, and it being almost four in the morning, I can still see her beautiful features. She's got Leon's nose almost perfectly. She also has his mesmerizing eyes. Leon tells me she has my personality. I asked him what he meant by that and he said: "The way you're so calm, collected, and charming. She has exactly that. She has your carefulness." Not only does she have my personality, he said that she has my face shape. I guess I can see it. I mostly see Leon, though. But Leon's face is so beyond amazing, so I'm not disappointed.

Loren is laid gently back into her crib. I rerun her nightly lullaby radio and close her bedroom door behind me to go back to sleep. Our house is dark and each step I take the wood beneath me creaks. I'm back into our bedroom where Leon is soundly asleep. I climb back into bed with him and wrap myself around him. Maybe he is awake because he pulls me closer to him and begins to rub my back. I like this feeling. He knows it helps me calm down and fall asleep.

My eyes are held shut and that's when I realize I've finally made peace with life. Leon no longer works for the government, I shut myself away from the public eye. I'm leaving everything that's happened to both of us in the past. It's all been laid to rest.

My fears, my trauma, my guilt. It's all gone. It's all over. I'm free. I can finally breathe and it feels so damn nice to be able to.

If and when Loren ever feels what I've felt growing up I want her to tell me everything. I want to tell her that it'll all be okay and one day you will find your peace. You will have the worst days of your life. You will lose people you never wanted to lose. You will experience things that will leave your big heart slightly torn. But all wounds heal eventually. All lessons will be learned. The most important thing at the end of the day that you have to realize and remember is to never forget who you are. One day, the person you are in the future will thank you for continuing on in life through the good and through the absolute most horrible. It's incredibly easy to give up, but it's beyond challenging to keep going. Take the challenge. Fight for yourself. Remember who you are. Go forward each day, don't purposely fall backward.

Everything that I've gone through from losing my fiancé, experiencing Raccoon City's apocalypse, to fighting another virus within the government has all made me a stronger person. Sure, it was extremely hard to deal with. But dealing with it is what made me better. I've made emends with my past. The best thing you can do is to accept for what's happened and to be aware of the future.

I thought Flora Smith was dead and gone a few years ago. But now she's back and she's happier and stronger than ever. I'm glad I never gave up because now I have everything I've wanted in life with me. Leon. And my baby girl.

Live a life worth living. Live a life with scars. Those without experience are the most ignorant.

Apocalypse