Everything I Need

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   Mom immediately said she would go to the NICU with me and said she had actually just stepped off the elevator and was on her way back to Laurens room. As soon as mom opens the door, Dr. Walsh immediately leads us to the NICU.

   My heart is beating like crazy right now from excitement, sorrow and being scared. I'm excited to see Taytum but feel bad about being excited because Taylor is not there also. I'm scared too because I'm scared something might happen to her. I'm also scared Lauren will wake up and I will not be there. After everything that's happened, I don't want my wife feeling like she is all alone.

   Once we reach the NICU, Dr. Walsh goes in, puts a gown on and washes her hands. She walks over to one of the incubators and rolls it over to the floor to ceiling windows. As soon as I see my little daughter I have tears in my eyes. They have her on oxygen and an IV hooked up to feed her and give her nutrients she needs.

   "Oh my God." I whisper loudly. "She's... so tiny, so beautiful and so... perfect. I can't wait to hold her and I can't wait until Lauren sees her. I definitely can't wait to see Lauren holding our little girl. She is going to be such a great mother."

   Mom laughs from beside me and wraps an arm around me for a side hug. "Congratulations Kyler and you will be a good mother too." Mom softly says. "She is beautiful and she looks so much like you and Lauren both. She is going to be so spoiled. I can't believe I finally have a grandbaby."

   We stood there in silence for a few seconds just watching my little Taytum. The silence is broken when I hear mom sniffle. I look over at her and she slightly smiles at me. "I'm sorry, this is just such a surreal moment. I just can't get over how beautiful she is and that head full of black hair. She definitely has your hair Kyler. I am so proud of y'all." Mom and I stood watching Taytum for a few more minutes then we made our way back to Lauren's room. I really can't wait for Lauren to see our daughter. I want to hold our daughter now and it honestly hurts that I can't. It seemed surreal that she is already here and I am so in love with her already.

   Mom and I are currently sitting in Lauren's room. Mom's on the little sofa reading through a magazine and I have my chair pulled up beside my wife's bed again. I wanted to be as close to her as possible and I wanted to hold her hand. Dad and Julia went to the NICU to see Taytum and it's quiet in the room except for the sound of the machines.

   I'm sitting here just watching the rise and fall of Lauren's chest while enjoying the warmth of her hand under mine. As I am watching my wife, I feel her hand twitch under mine. "L-Lauren?" I quietly say and lean forward. Mom stands on the other side of the bed as we both look at Lauren. My wife squeezes my hand and I quickly look down at our hands then stand up. I look at Lauren's face and her eyes flutter and a soft groan leaves her throat. "Lauren?" I say again as I quickly stand up but keep my hand joined with hers.

   "Kyler..." Lauren quietly mumbles and my heart starts racing as my name leaves her mouth.

   "I'm here baby. I'm right here." I stare at Lauren and my heart beats even faster when I see her ocean blue eyes open looking right at me. I feel my eyes watering because I am so thankful she is finally awake.

   Lauren gives me a weak smile but it's enough to cause flutters in my stomach and I can't stop my tears. "Don't cry." She says with a hoarse voice and squeezes my hand.

   "I can't help it, baby. I just... I was so scared... I was so worried about you." I sniffle and try to regain myself. "I was so scared I was going to lose you and I'm just so relieved and happy that you're okay. I...."

   "Please kiss me." Lauren whispers as she interrupts me and I notice a tear roll down her cheek but I gladly do as she requested. I softly kiss her lips and a warmth and calmness spreads over me. When I pull away, I pour her a cup of water to help her dry throat. She drinks the water then finally glances to the other side and sees mom standing beside her bed with tears rolling down her cheeks.

   Mom gently hugs Lauren and tells her she loves her and is so glad she's awake. Lauren gives another weak smile then mom steps out to let a nurse know Lauren's awake and give us a minute by ourselves. As soon as the door closes my wife turns her attention back to me. "What happened to your hand and where's our babies? can't they stay here with us?" She softly asks as she looks around the room again. My heart starts racing because this is the moment I have been dreading because there's no easy way to tell her that one of our babies didn't make it.

   Before I can tell Lauren about our babies, a nurse comes in to check on her since she's awake. All of her vitals are good, no problems with the incision and we are told Dr. Walsh will be around first thing in the morning. Mom, dad and Julia came in while the nurse was still in the room and dad and Julia were just as happy that she was awake. We all had tears in our eyes, just mine were for a different reason beside just happiness.

   I tell Lauren everything that happened with our babies and my hand. My heart broke seeing my wife reduced to tears despite the pain it was probably causing the incision. I sat on the edge of her bed and hold her as best as I can as her body shudders as she cries. Mom, dad and Julia all cry and try to comfort Lauren without smothering her. The tears in my eyes freely fall as she cries and clutches ahold of me. She falls asleep holding on to me even when I managed to sit back down in my chair beside her bed. Mom, dad and Julia all go home for the night and I lay my head down on my wife's bed to try and get a little sleep myself.