You're The Reason My Heart Beats Faster

Open House

Rain woke up gasping for air, his heart racing. Why did it always feel like there wasn't enough air in the room when he had these attacks? He knew he needed to calm himself down but it seemed an impossible task.

Three things I can see, he tells himself desperately. The clock on the wall, my new yellow book bag, my jacket on the back of the door.

A little better. Three things I can hear. A dog barking, someone's radio too loud next door, the wind blowing.

Three things I can feel. The pillow behind me, the air conditioning on my skin, the sheet on my legs.

He doesn't know why the 3-3-3 rule works, maybe it helps focus the mind. He still feels like crap, his chest hurts slightly, he feels nauseous, and there are still dull edges of panic around the corners but at least now he feels like he can breathe better.

He especially hated the nocturnal panic attacks. He could occasionally head off panic attacks when he was awake if he noticed the warning signs in time, but there was no defense against the nocturnal ones.

Why did this have to happen tonight? He had been excited about the open house tomorrow for weeks, maybe longer. He was finally going to take the first steps to fulfill his dream of becoming an architect.

Rain took out his earbuds and found his calming video playlist that had been specially formulated for someone with ADHD and anxiety. Eventually he was able to doze back off but he woke feeling drained and slightly washed out.

Rain felt a little better after a hot shower and the excitement of what today was starting creeping back in. Open house at the university. He puts on his school uniform and waits for his mother to be ready, she is going to drop him and his friend, Niran who lives a few houses down, off at the university.

The university is huge, Rain only hopes he won't get lost too often. He doesn't always have the best sense of direction. They find the architecture facility easily enough though and Rain snags a pamphlet off the table in front and sits down at one of the picnic tables to wait for the open house to begin.

"Let's go dude, I want to check out the science faculty." Niran says, practically whining but Rain absolutely refuses to move from this spot. He is here for the architectural open house and he isn't about to miss a minute of it. He finally convinces Niran to go alone.

This is his life long dream, hopefully, finally being fulfilled. He had been working his butt off taking extra classes and studying like crazy. Now he was more than a little excited as he absentmindedly writes on his pamphlet, "I must pass, I must be an architectural student!" All while murmuring the line to himself as a mantra.

"Well then, I wish you the best of luck." A voice said from behind him. Rain jumped, he hadn't realized anyone was around. He stood up and turned around and saw the most beautifully handsome man he had ever seen in his life. Rain felt as if the breath had been knocked out of him.

He is obviously a student here at the faculty, judging from his uniform and the drafting tube slung over one shoulder, but he must be at least fourth or fifth year though. His long black hair is pulled back into a folded bun at the back. He has eyes that Rain feels like he could get lost in for hours. Every thing about him is sensuous,  his honey toned skin, his broad shoulders, his uniform shirt with the top few buttons open showing a generous amount of chest, his kissable lips and the small beauty mark beside them.

"So damn handsome," Rain said, completely dazed.

The man raised an eyebrow making Rain realize he had accidentally said that out loud. "Thank you for the compliment."

Rain blushed and finally remembered his manners, he gave a respectable wai, "Sorry Phi, my name is Rain. I am here for the open house."

The man nodded, he had probably guessed that much from Rain's school uniform and the pamphlet. "I am Phayu, you can call me P'Phayu. Come, I will show you around the facility if you like."

Oh Rain would definitely like that, he nodded eagerly and grabbed his bag and pencil case.

P'Phayu shows Rain around the building and answers his eager and frequent questions about the building, the teachers and the program itself. 

"So why do you want to study architecture, Rain?" Rain decided he likes it when P'Phayu says his name.

"When I was a little boy, I think I might have been 7 or 8, I went with my mom to visit some of her family in Korea. We took a tour around some of the historical sites and the guide kept talking about the architecture. I didn't understand the word so Ma explained that it was the way buildings are designed, she compared it to the pictures I sometimes drew for her and Pa and that made me feel like it was something that I could do someday. She even bought me some magazines thinking I would just like the pretty pictures, but from then on I was hooked. What about you, P'Phayu? Why did you choose this field?" Rain wasn't just making small talk he really wanted to know more about the senior.

"My family owns a garage. My mother always said it was a shame that my father could refurbish any engine but couldn't refurbish his own home. So I decided I would do both," he said with a grin.

"Isn't that exhausting?" Rain had heard the architectural program was brutal on its own. He couldn't imagine what also working in the family garage would be like.

"Very," P'Phayu admitted, "but I love both and can't give either up. My twin, Saifah, is studying engineering and will take over the brunt of the garage work but I still plan to work there part time."

"Wow," Rain said. He admired the dedication. "I will be lucky to even pass the entrance exam to get into architecture, I can't imagine doing anything else besides that."

"It's all about balancing your time, nong." P'Phayu said. "I can teach you some study tricks that will help not only with the entrance exam but once you start classes as well."

"I would like that." Rain said.

"Then you better give me your number. That way I can contact you a set up a time. I will give you mine as well in case you have any questions or concerns."

Before leaving him back at the faculty open house table, P'Phayu hands Rain a triangle ruler with a tornado scribble on one side. "This is my favorite one, keep it for luck when you take your entrance exam."

Rain nods, he will do just that. He hopes P'Phayu is serious about giving him study tips, both because he could use them and because it would mean seeing him again. He is already mentally making a list of questions he can call and ask the senior about. Maybe they would be able to grab coffee or something and discuss the entrance exam in more detail.

Phayu takes one more covert glance back at the cute high school student. If Rain had been just a little older he wouldn't have hesitated to ask him out. When Rain had looked at him with those big eyes and declared he was handsome, it had done funny things to his heart. However P'Phayu has a hard and fast rule that he doesn't date anyone under age. 

So for now he can just be a good senior and help Rain with his entrance exam. Who knew what the future would bring.