The Bond That Binds Us

12: Killing Me Softly

"Ugh, can we be done with training for the day?" I plead. Alanis and Adaira are absolutely unrelenting. Training with them for the past hour has been the single most physically tiring thing I've done in my entire life. I've done squats, frog jumps, shuttle runs; you name it, they've made me do it.

"We're only on the basics, Safira. We have to get you in shape first, and then we'll begin the self-defense training." Alanis instructs, shooting me an encouraging smile. "Don't worry, these exercises will increase your stamina for later, so it won't be so painful next time."

"Next time?" I groan, wiping the sticky sweat off of my face. "We're going to have to do these exercises again later?"

"Yes, until we deem you're ready to move on." Adaira tells me.

"Can I at least take a break?" I beg, looking at them with imploring eyes.

They give each other a look and sigh. "Fine. Ten minutes."

"Oh, thank you!" I say gratuitously.

Collapsing onto the green grass under me, I take in my surroundings. The sky is impossibly blue today, and the blinding sun casts a large amount of light over everything. Well, that's weird. London is rarely like this. Sitting up, I give Alanis and Adaira a puzzled look.

"Why is it so sunny? It's never like this in London." I ask.

"I don't know. When the D'Amore clan chose this place to live in and raise their family and pack, they chose it specifically for its bright weather." Adaira attempts to explain.

"Oh. I like it." A smile spreads across my face, and I lay back on the grass again, closing my eyes and soaking up the sun.

A light breeze grazes my face softly. Opening my eyes slowly, I'm startled to find Axel leaning over and watching me intently, his big shadow blocking the sun. I abruptly sit up, and instantly feel a sharp pain in my forehead.

"Ouch!" I gasp, cradling my forehead in my hands.

Axel's rubbing his forehead too, a grimace on his beautiful face. "Damn it." He mutters. I must've butted his forehead with mine.

"Sorry," I say sheepishly, "you surprised me."

He chuckles lightly. "I figured."

"What are you here for?" I inquire straightforwardly. I'm not going to sit here wasting my break time beating around the bushes with him. Might as well get right to the point.

He doesn't miss a beat. "About earlier," he begins, and with his free hand, starts rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "you seemed disappointed. That I didn't decorate your room, I presume."

I blush furiously and look away from his haunting green eyes. How did he know that? Was I that easy to read?

"Don't be embarrassed. I just wanted to let you know that I did. I had everything in place for when you arrived. But then I actually met you, and you're so bubbly and radiant that it threw me off. I instantly knew you wouldn't like the dull and mellow color theme I picked, or the dark and ornate furniture. So I asked Hollis to take it all away, to paint the walls white again, and completely empty the room of the furniture. I wanted you to choose what you liked so that I wouldn't fail you. So that you could be happy here." Axel explains, for once baring his soul and true thoughts to me, his voice soft and tender.

Honey-like warmth flutters throughout me at his words. I have a sudden desire to hold him, to breath his inebriating scent, to feel his sculpted skin against mine. But most of all, I want to kiss him. Really, really bad. I don't think I've ever wanted anything so bad in my entire life. I look into those green eyes, heartbreakingly sincere for the moment, and want nothing more than to lose myself in him. He doesn't take look away either, and it's as if he's afraid of breaking this splendid and compassionate moment between the two of us.

"I understand." I say simply, opening myself to the deep yearning spreading within my body. "I'm glad you told me that, Axe." My voice is barely a whisper now, and my lip quivers with need.

That's it. I don't give a damn if it's just the bond or not, or if I'dll regret it later. I honestly don't care what happens after this. All I know is that I want to kiss Axel too much to hold myself back any longer. I need to feel his lips on mine.

Leaning forward, I press my lips against his, gentle and wavering at first, unsure of how he'll respond. However, any inhibitions I have totally slip away when Axel grips my chin and pulls me closer. He pushes me down until I'm laying down on the grass and he's over me, never taking his lips off of mine. The kiss is so urgent, nothing like I've ever experienced before. It's all-consuming and ignites an aching and deliciously destructive fire within me. I run my fingers through his hair, which is surprisingly silky.

I pout when he lifts his lips off of mine, but the pout disappears when he starts trailing ravenous kisses down my neck. My body arches in response to each kiss.

"Safira," Axel breathes in between the kisses. The way he says my name is electric, sending tingles down my spine and causing me to groan lustfully. He says it with such intense longing, but there's no trace of any love.

"I have no duty to love you. And I probably won't." His words from before echo in my head, lingering there uncomfortably. What am I doing? This isn't a good idea, not at all. No matter what this is I'm feeling, he doesn't feel it. How can he when he's been so good at pushing me away? When all that he's done is treat me like a burden? The sadness tugs at my heart, and a new kind of aching enters my body. I can have Axel's kisses and desire, but I'll never have his heart. I can't deal with that. I can't deal with this. Not now.

Using all of my strength, both internally and externally, I push him off of me. He sits up, confused and frustrated. "What's wrong?" He asks, but by the time the question leaves his mouth, I'm up and off the ground, already running into the house.

Betraying tears slip down my cheeks, and I whiz past Alanis and Adaira in the main hall, who call after me. "Safira? Where are you going? Are you okay? We only went to get water, but we're back now! Safira!"

I can't talk to them right now. I can't talk to anyone. God, what the hell is wrong with me? Why do I do this to myself? I know the consequences, yet I take what I want and worry about the aftermath later. And if the aftermath of toying with my heart is going to be like this, then I will never step so far in the first place again. I can feel physically feel the grief and regretfulness in my chest. It's like I tore open a hole right above my heart, exposing it completely, and to a monster. Bounding up the stairs, I run down the long hallway to my room and slam the door quickly behind me. I crumple onto the floor as soon as the door is shut, and the sobs erupt from me freely. Why would I let myself have an unforgettable taste of something I could never have?

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Author's Note:

Thank you ForellaP and jlhummingbird and Aneeshaimran for voting for this chapter! It means a lot to me! And thank you ForellaP for the incredibly sweet comment you left! <3