Come Back When You Can

2. Fighting my anxiety constantly, I try to control it

I walked straight to my hotel to check in. I just needed a place to crash. I was new here, I didn't know anyone. I was all alone.

As soon as I got my keys, I ran up to the room I was giving. I unlocked it and looked around. It wasn't big, but it was definitely worth the money. 

The bed had white sheets and the curtains were light blue. I didn't even care about packing up my stuff, I just needed some sleep. Tomorrow at 5AM I had to be at my job interview. And yes, I have been offered a job here which is the main reason I moved from Seattle after I got fired.

I fell asleep the minute my head touched the pillow. It was soft and felt like a cloud. I remember dreaming about dancing it out with Meredith and Cristina. How good it felt to just.. let it all out by moving my body with my best friends.

The next morning:

I woke up in my tears.. Apparently I've been crying in my sleep. I don't know why, but I just know that I woke up anxious. My chest was hurting and I had to catch my breath. I decided to shake it off and go up to get ready. I tried to find the best clothes I could find. I had to go through all the clothes I had in my suitcase. When I finally found something that felt good, the time was 4:38. I had to leave my room at 4:50 to catch the bus that would take me to the interview.

I quickly brushed my teeth and packed down my stuff: Phone, hairbrush, gum.. I made up some random hairstyle, closed my bag and walked out of my room. I slightly ran through the hall and out of the doors. The bus station was just across the road and there was about 5 mins left. 

I took a deep breath and slowed down my steps. I had time, so no need to rush.

While waiting for my bus I could feel my chest starting to hurt again.. My head started spinning, and I just wanted to cry. I tried to calm myself down by breathing and giving myself the butterfly hug. Deep breaths, Izz.. You have nothing to worry about, I kept telling myself till the bus finally arrived.

The office was only a 15 minutes long trip from the hotel, but it felt like forever.. The heavy feeling over my chest didn't want to leave me alone. My mouth was dry as well. The whole world around me kept going in 2x speed while my head was stuck in slow motion.

When it was my turn to go off, I took a second to take in the moment.

It's now or never, Izzie. Just take a deep breath and go in there and do your thi.

I decided to listen to my inner voice. When I walked in through the doors I quickly recognized the smell- hospital. The wonderful smell of scrubs and plastic.

A tall handsome man started to get closer to me. He waved as soon as we started making eye contact.

"Hey!!" he said very loudly. "Dr. Stevens?"

I was surprised by his volume, but answered nicely "Yeah hi! That's me"

"Welcome, dr! Follow me" 

I did what I was told and followed the good looking man through the hospital corridors. 

I've never realized how embarrassing it could be walking around in a hospital without my scrubs. 

After a short walk we finally got to the office. There was nothing in there that wasn't perfect. It looked like it had been cleaned everyday for the past eighty years.

I felt like such a weirdo going in there with all crazy hair and clothes that made me look like I was coming from the White house.

The officer patted the chair and told me to sit down. 

Once again, I did what I was told and got surprised about how soft the chairs were. 

Later that day:

The interview went better than expected. I think it went pretty well actually. He asked me some questions that I had to answer, which I did.

He asked me about my career on Grey+Sloan and where I got my education etc-

Now I only had to wait for the answer about the job. I hope I get in, 'cause I could need some new friends around here. And a real place to live would be great too.

Yayy!! Another part finished! I hope you enjoyed it! Take care and see ya next time <3